Integrity

Integrity is defined as ‘the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. "he is known to be a man of integrity."

I have always had a problem with the way this word has always been treated, for some reason, even though English doesn't have masculine and feminine nouns, this word has always been attached to masculinity.  Even the example states, “he is known to be a man of integrity.”  Women, have Integrity as well, should be the usual response, but it isn't.  Sometimes I think that when women are referred to as the “weaker sex”, people don’t only mean physically and emotionally, but morally as well.  This has bothered me for a long, long time. 

For example, when I was in my 20’s I moved back home to Detroit to finish school at Wayne State University, I was dating a guy who lived in Detroit and who would visit me at Michigan State on the weekends.  Our relationship was going along great until I moved back home to Detroit.  After I moved home, he stood me up for a date.  That had never happened before, and now it was happening while I was living at home, where my family could see it.  I couldn't understand why this was happening.  Later on, he explained to me that he thought I had decided to move back home so that I could force him to marry me.  After all, he made $30,000 and he had his own house.  First, I didn't know that I could be bought for so little.  Of course, our relationship ended after that.  However, his logic didn't make any sense, we weren't at the "let’s get married" stage of the relationship, so marriage was the furthest thing away from my mind.  But over the years, I often heard from men and women, “well you know you women will do that.”  My grandmother was the only person who responded to the situation appropriately, she busted out laughing. (In fact, she laughed at the situation long and hard.)  Sometimes, it seems as if, women cannot be individuals that have integrity.  For some reason, society takes the attitude that feminine principles can’t stand upright, they must bend or break at any time for the right man and the right amount of money.  Well, that attitude is a crock of shit. 

Integrity popped into my head again with the recent accusations of Bill Cosby drugging and/or raping all of these women.  All of these women have been verbally attacked, even though some of these women have been claiming that Bill Cosby had sexually assaulted them for almost 20 years.  And, one of the most common accusations is that every last woman wants money, even though most of the women are not suing.  Right now, the only people that are making money are Bill Cosby’s lawyers who have been responding to all of these allegations as well as digging up as much dirt on these women as they can find and the media.  One of the accusers asked, "Who would want these 15 minutes of shame?", and she is right, who would.  The problem remains, that until now, Bill Cosby has had a great reputation and he was on his way to developing a great legacy.  And, that legacy would have been very valuable, especially to the African American community.  As an African American, the thought that he could have done this to all these women is hurtful and disappointing.  But,  as a woman, I would be wrong to automatically attack and question every woman’s statement and assume that each woman is out for Bill Cosby’s money. 

The other argument used is "Why would Cosby rape a woman, when he could have any woman he wanted?"  First, rape isn't about sex, it is about power.  But, let us say for a moment that it is about sex and entertain this question.  He could have any woman, really?  Could that be true?  So… any woman, no matter how rich, famous, married, straight, gay, single, young, middle-aged or old would say yes, if Bill Cosby asked them to "do the do", just because he is Bill Cosby.  I don’t think so.  Do some women leave their spouses or loved ones to sleep or be with celebrities?  Yes, but not all.  Women have integrity too.  Now, it may be true that Mr. Cosby would have a larger selection than most.  But, there is always someone, who will say "No!"  There is always someone who can’t be bought.

Now, let us step back into reality rape isn't about sex, it is about power.  And, someone who has sex repeatedly with people who are almost or completely unconscious has some really serious issues that should not be taken lightly.  And, I think that there needs to be some type of investigation.  I am not saying that every woman that claims she has been raped or sexually assaulted is truthful, people lie.  But I don’t think that the integrity of a woman who has stated that she has been raped or sexually assaulted should be immediately questioned either.    

#womenwithintegrity
#integrity
#BillCosby

Truth vs. Fantasy...Bill Cosby vs. Cliff Huxtable and Bill Cosby

As more and more women are coming out to say that they were either raped of sexually assaulted by Bill Cosby people are beginning to believe that there has to be some truth to all of these allegations.  Many people of my generation are disappointed because we thought of Bill Cosby as Cliff Huxtable.  But he was not Cliff, Cliff was just a character that he created based on his fatherhood related sketches.  Actually, the characters from Fat Albert were closer to the people that he knew growing up. Could you imagine any of those cartoon characters growing up and becoming someone like Cliff Huxtable?  I forgot, that I didn't mention the show, I Spy, because that show came out in the 60’s.  However, in that show Bill Cosby’s character was created by someone else.   But, the funny part is that the I Spy character was a Rhodes Scholar who attended Temple University, so he was closer to the Cliff Huxtable model.  There were also the movie characters that he created, and of course the Jell-o commercials.  So, what is my point about mentioning all of these characters, well it is just that, they were characters.  They were not real.  I think that Bill Cosby should be given credit for always trying to emulate strong positive intelligent African American characters, as an actor.  But, these characters were not him.  They are just characters, only friends and family know the actual man.  As an African American, I think that our fear, is that if these allegations are true, then the positive characters and image will be taken away or somehow diminished by the rest of society.  But the possibility of who Bill Cosby was and is, doesn't mean that strong intelligent African American role models don’t really exist in our society.  They do.  We just have to accept that he may not have really been one of them.  And that part was OK; there was no requirement that you have to be yourself as an actor. There never has been. Many entertainers have their public and private personas.  The real issue is that we have found a much darker and/or disturbing private persona for Bill Cosby.  And many people in our generation feel betrayed.  We thought that we knew him and we may not. 

Here is what I have noticed…


There are many critics that find it impossible for him to be a rapist because Bill Cosby has mentored or discovered many young women.  And, these women have gone on to have great careers.  Some of the more recent females have included Robin Givens, Stacy Dash and Erika Alexander and you know what, I don’t think that he did anything to these females.  He has also given advice to Oprah Winfrey, and no, I don’t think that he tried anything with her either.  There were many women over the years that Bill Cosby mentored, and I don’t think that he was ever anything more than a friend or fatherly figure to them, and because of that, I believe that it was easy for a struggling actress or model to meet Bill Cosby and believe that he would be their mentor, because he had a history of doing that for females that he thought were talented.  All of the women who claimed to have been raped by Bill Cosby have more than a similar story in common.  They have a similar type and they seem to have similar personalities.  So, then the question becomes, is it possible, that he labeled some actresses as truly talented and others as women that he could take advantage of and get away with it.  And I think that the answer may be yes.  Most of the women that I mentioned were too young for him to try anything.  However, Robin Givens was about the right age.  Could you imagine what would have happened if he had tried something with her?  That woman would have sung like a bird or been heavily compensated.  I hate to say it, but I think that Bill Cosby knew what type of prey to select. 

#BillCosby
#mentor
#predator