Integrity

Integrity is defined as ‘the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. "he is known to be a man of integrity."

I have always had a problem with the way this word has always been treated, for some reason, even though English doesn't have masculine and feminine nouns, this word has always been attached to masculinity.  Even the example states, “he is known to be a man of integrity.”  Women, have Integrity as well, should be the usual response, but it isn't.  Sometimes I think that when women are referred to as the “weaker sex”, people don’t only mean physically and emotionally, but morally as well.  This has bothered me for a long, long time. 

For example, when I was in my 20’s I moved back home to Detroit to finish school at Wayne State University, I was dating a guy who lived in Detroit and who would visit me at Michigan State on the weekends.  Our relationship was going along great until I moved back home to Detroit.  After I moved home, he stood me up for a date.  That had never happened before, and now it was happening while I was living at home, where my family could see it.  I couldn't understand why this was happening.  Later on, he explained to me that he thought I had decided to move back home so that I could force him to marry me.  After all, he made $30,000 and he had his own house.  First, I didn't know that I could be bought for so little.  Of course, our relationship ended after that.  However, his logic didn't make any sense, we weren't at the "let’s get married" stage of the relationship, so marriage was the furthest thing away from my mind.  But over the years, I often heard from men and women, “well you know you women will do that.”  My grandmother was the only person who responded to the situation appropriately, she busted out laughing. (In fact, she laughed at the situation long and hard.)  Sometimes, it seems as if, women cannot be individuals that have integrity.  For some reason, society takes the attitude that feminine principles can’t stand upright, they must bend or break at any time for the right man and the right amount of money.  Well, that attitude is a crock of shit. 

Integrity popped into my head again with the recent accusations of Bill Cosby drugging and/or raping all of these women.  All of these women have been verbally attacked, even though some of these women have been claiming that Bill Cosby had sexually assaulted them for almost 20 years.  And, one of the most common accusations is that every last woman wants money, even though most of the women are not suing.  Right now, the only people that are making money are Bill Cosby’s lawyers who have been responding to all of these allegations as well as digging up as much dirt on these women as they can find and the media.  One of the accusers asked, "Who would want these 15 minutes of shame?", and she is right, who would.  The problem remains, that until now, Bill Cosby has had a great reputation and he was on his way to developing a great legacy.  And, that legacy would have been very valuable, especially to the African American community.  As an African American, the thought that he could have done this to all these women is hurtful and disappointing.  But,  as a woman, I would be wrong to automatically attack and question every woman’s statement and assume that each woman is out for Bill Cosby’s money. 

The other argument used is "Why would Cosby rape a woman, when he could have any woman he wanted?"  First, rape isn't about sex, it is about power.  But, let us say for a moment that it is about sex and entertain this question.  He could have any woman, really?  Could that be true?  So… any woman, no matter how rich, famous, married, straight, gay, single, young, middle-aged or old would say yes, if Bill Cosby asked them to "do the do", just because he is Bill Cosby.  I don’t think so.  Do some women leave their spouses or loved ones to sleep or be with celebrities?  Yes, but not all.  Women have integrity too.  Now, it may be true that Mr. Cosby would have a larger selection than most.  But, there is always someone, who will say "No!"  There is always someone who can’t be bought.

Now, let us step back into reality rape isn't about sex, it is about power.  And, someone who has sex repeatedly with people who are almost or completely unconscious has some really serious issues that should not be taken lightly.  And, I think that there needs to be some type of investigation.  I am not saying that every woman that claims she has been raped or sexually assaulted is truthful, people lie.  But I don’t think that the integrity of a woman who has stated that she has been raped or sexually assaulted should be immediately questioned either.    

#womenwithintegrity
#integrity
#BillCosby

Timing is Everything...

My title is a popular phrase, but it is so true.  It applies to everything from art to business.  I think that it is so important, because more often we experience bad timing or so-so timing as opposed to great timing (Striking while the iron is hot!).  What I have noticed is that, great timing can occur or may occur when you are aware of your fears, but they don’t control you.  Currently, I am and have been experiencing poor timing.  I have not only let fear control my decisions, but, I let it immobilize me and place me in situations that I never thought that I would experience.  My biggest fear is that I will not get out of the situation that I am in and I will miss out on the rest of my life.  I look back and notice how much fear has taken away from me.  Mostly, I have experienced fear of failure, and in turn, I have done just that.  I say that I am missing out on life, because right now, I just exist, work and write.  That is it. 

Primarily, I write, because I seem to have nothing else left.  And, for some reason, I have decided to write about all of the thoughts that go through my head.  So, I write instead of just sitting in a corner meditating or thinking.  The funny part about this is I always wanted to write.  When I was a kid, I dreamed of writing the great American novel, even though I never thought of myself as a writer.  I was going to do it as one of my side hobbies.  I didn't write the Great American novel, but I did write a book at 22.  I was still at Michigan State University.  The book consisted of my experiences and observations that I had in college.  I remember feeling inspired, and writing for days.  After I had completed writing and editing my draft, I submitted my manuscript.  I think that I sent it to one or two places, and it was rejected (of course).  I wasn't prepared for rejection, and as a writer, you have to be prepared for a lot of rejection.  I also told my counselor at school about it.  He thought that the story was interesting, but he thought that I was too you to write a book that could be controversial.  He suggested that I keep the manuscript, and look at writing a book later on; after all, I was young.  I followed his instructions and I put it down, it was almost 20 years until I looked at it again.  When I looked at it again, I don’t even think that I recognized the person who wrote that book.  The person who wrote that book, never thought about what they could or couldn't do, they would just move forward.  I was always confident about my writing, well actually about my ability to communicate in general.  When it came to writing about topics and of course humor, I had great timing.  I had some fear as well, but it didn’t control me.  I know that part of it is that I am older, but there are still so many things that I could do if I re-calibrated my fear, and started allowing myself to have great timing.