What’s in a Name?

Hmmn… “What’s in a Name?” that is the title of a famous soliloquy from Romeo and Juliet.  But, I often ask the same question.  When I was in my 20’s, I wanted to get rid of my last name, because it reminded me of my father and his family.  I didn't hate my father’s family.  But, I didn't know them and growing up, they never tried to get to know me.  I grew up as an only child, and like most only children, I would have loved to have cousins or other relatives to play with.  But, let’s go to the heart of the issue, let’s get it out, and get over it.  My father was abusive and he came from an abusive family.  He abandoned me when I was a baby and returned into my life when I was 12.  Nothing dramatic, he just called my mother one night, just out of the blue.  “Hey, this is Lee Massey, your ex-husband, how are you?  How is my daughter?  “ Who the hell does that?  Well, anyway, my mother never told me how my father really was.  She had provided me a fantasy, or ideal dad.  I always imagined that my father was somewhere, and he wanted to contact me, but he couldn't.  It didn't occur to me that he just didn't want to, and he always knew where I lived, although my mother never knew where he lived, and therefore had trouble collecting child support. Well, anyway, my mother reunited with my father, and I got to know the real Lee Massey and what our family was really like.  My father never hit me, but that was because my mother intervened and she took the hit that I was supposed to get.  That has always made me feel uncomfortable.  Later on, I learned that my father was abusive to his first wife and so were some of his siblings.  In fact, that was how they were taught to keep a woman in line.  But, the name doesn't only mean abuse to me, it means denial.  My cousins talk about my father like he was this wonderful man, in fact they talk those who had abusive parents either talk about them the same way or don’t talk about them at all.  No one admits anything that happened in the past.  They just pretend that it never happened.  Maybe that is what Massey means in English – abuse and denial.  My goal has always been that it means transcend.

#deadbeatdad
#abuse