Why I Started Writing Again

The past couple of years in my life have been crazy.  There has been a serious upheaval in my life.  These changes have caused me to question things and they have also caused old issues and discussions to resurface.  As a writer you sometimes question yourself, at least I do.  I wonder if I really have anything worth saying.  And, if I do, I wonder if anyone is listening or cares.  So, most of my writing is limited on statuses or opinions on Facebook, which isn't really writing.  Well, I got my answer, not the way I wanted it, but I got it. 

Last week, my mother and I got into an argument, well really she yelled at me and I listened.  Here is how it started....

A few months ago, I wrote a Facebook comment about Congressman’s Keith Ellison’s book. In the book, he discussed the power of cliques in Detroit, and that to fulfill his potential; he had to leave Detroit, because certain opportunities were limited, because he did not belong to the right cliques.  I stated that I had experienced the same thing and had decided to move as well.  Well, my mother read that comment and even though a few months had passed, the comment stuck with her.  She told me that she was infuriated that I wrote it.  Through her eyes, making that comment meant that they (cliques) had won, and I had publicly admitted defeat.  However, in my eyes, they lost, because I took my skills and talent with me.  They missed out.   But anyway, she stated how it irritated her; just like that essay I wrote my freshman year in college her had irritated her.  Yes, she mentioned an essay that I wrote that essay almost 30 years ago.  I remember it, because I was proud of it.  It was the first “A” that I got in my English class.  The assignment was to write a comedic essay, and I wrote about adjusting to attending a coed university after attending an all girls’ school.   And then she yelled all of my self doubts out loud, “Why do you have to write?   Why don’t you just keep your thoughts to yourself?   Why do you think someone cares about what you have to say?  Who are you?” 

You would think that would have discouraged me, but as she was saying it, it was like I left myself and I was looking at the discussion as an outsider.  What I realized was that if it didn't matter, she wouldn't care and she wouldn't remember.  Expression of thought doesn't always please everyone.  Sometimes it isn't meant to please.  Usually, a person who writes just wants to make a connection with themselves and/or other people.  That connection can create understanding, be thought inspiring, invoke empathy or even anger, but it is about making a connection.   And, I made a connection, not the one I wanted, but a connection nonetheless.