The Ride Home

Well, I decided to leave on New Year’s Eve.  I don’t know why I always find myself traveling on the road during this time.  It is actually a lousy time to travel.  Most places close early on the turnpike and there are very few people traveling on the road.  I picked New Year’s Eve because there was supposed to be a snowstorm coming and I wanted to try to beat the storm.  I left Albany at about 7 pm.  The trip from Albany to Detroit was about 644 miles if you did not cut through Canada.  And, I had to take that route, because I do not have a passport.  I had decided that I would drive through after work, but everyone made it seem like that was a horrible idea, so I drove as most of the distance on New Years Eve and I drove the remainder of the trip on New Years Day.  The good news was that one of the cities by Buffalo had fireworks at midnight, and so I got to see some as I drove past.  I made it past Buffalo and into Pennsylvania a little after 1:00 am.  I stopped because the visibility was beginning to get bad.  Also, the wind was blowing the snow and the road was beginning to

get slippery.  It is funny. I don’t feel tired when I am driving.  I only feel tired when I get out of the car.  I was back on the road about 5 am.  My car looked like a snowball.  All of my car doors were frozen except for the driver’s side.  As, I continued on the road, I looked for a restaurant that was open that served breakfast, or at least coffee.  Everything was closed until 8 am, because it was New Years day.  Some of the gas stations were even closed.  When I made it to Ohio, I called my mother and I let her know that I was almost there.  By then, my car no longer looked liked a snowball, but a salt lick.  There was salt everywhere, however, I don’t remember getting pummeled by a salt truck. 

I made it to Detroit by noon.  I was exhausted, but not sleepy, which was surprising because I only had about 3 hours of sleep.  We unpacked most of my stuff, and then ate a traditional New Year’s Day dinner.  I really need all of those New Year’s folklore to work for 2015.  Usually, I am excited when I start a new chapter in my life, but this time I am a little scared.  But, I am also hopeful.  

#home

#NewYearsEve

#NewYearsDay

#PennsylvaniaTurnpike

#OhioTurnpike

The Hardest Situation Yet

Getting back on my feet this time, has been the hardest, the loneliest and the scariest ever.  Last December, I lost my job, and it was the most traumatic ever.  I wasn't fired, my company MedPro Staffing, lost its contract with CSC.  So, all the MedPro employees were called on the same day and told that their contract was ending and that Friday was their last day.  The company called me first and told me not to tell anyone.  So, I sat in the office watching people one by one getting a call to say that they had lost their job 10 days before Christmas.  I was sad that I was losing an income, but the job had been difficult starting the first day.  I was hired to help make change; however, if change isn't really wanted, or accepted, it benefits no one.  And, it is torture to the person that you bring in to make change, have them review your situation and then do nothing, except fail.  Do I believe if they had made my changes we would still have a job, maybe, a few months later the State of Maryland suspended the contract and everyone lost their jobs.  And, I have to admit, I do believe that my changes could have helped save that contract. I think that the state would have looked at the contractors as trying to make an effort.  Anyway, when I lost my job, I filed unemployment, however, when the state of Maryland contacted MedPro, my company told the state that I was still employed.  When that happens in the state of Maryland, a red flag goes on your case and they do an investigation, because there could be fraudulent activity.  I immediately called ADP which was my company’s payroll and benefit handler, they were rude and unpleasant, and then I would call MedPro in Florida.  MedPro told me that it was their policy to keep their employees on the books in case another position came up, and then they wouldn't have to start the hiring process and paperwork again.  Also, I could keep my benefits.  I understood this, however, MedPro specializes in Nursing and Medical Staffing, and I was a Technical Writer working on a state Medicaid project.  So, I didn't fit their typical employee profile.  Their policy works for their typical employee, and it may have worked for me, if someone there was also looking for employment for me.  However, that was not the case.  Also, I found out that the insurance coverage was not even true.  I went the dentist to get my teeth cleaned, and I was not covered.  So, I had to cancel my appointment, I thought about complaining to them about it, because they had taken money out or my check for Dental Insurance, yet I was not covered.  Technically, they do still owe me that money, however, because they had it taken out of my payroll, but never enrolled.  But, now, I was worried about how I was going to keep a roof over my head.  So, I kept calling them as well as well as job hunting.  Meanwhile my money was going fast because I did not have any income, I had a small 401K through MedPro, which theoretically I should have been able to either remove or take a lone on, because I was still an employee, but I couldn’t get access to that little money either.  At the end of December, I called because MedPro still did not change my status, and the told me that my rep was on vacation and only she could authorize the change.  I spoke with everyone up to the president, and all I ever received was I am sorry, but that is our policy.  I also continued talking with the State of Maryland, and the Unemployment office representative asked me if I explained to MedPro what type of position they were putting me in by not releasing me as an employee.  Not only was I unable to draw, unemployment, I could not take advantage of the state’s employment assistance program.  Maryland has a few programs that will assist you in finding employment.  I was locked out of everything.  Also, I was locked out of some financial assistance programs because the requirements were that you had to be working with proof of income or receiving unemployment, I had neither.  It puts a whole different spin on talking to bill collectors.  They would ask me when did I think that I would get paid, or receive any benefits, and I had no answer. 

I didn't give up looking for a job, or calling MedPro and ADP.  No matter how rude they were to me, I talked to them on a regular basis.  When I finally got my rep from MedPro and told her that the company had not taken me off their books (nor found me employment), she demanded to know who I had talked to because I should have been off.  But, her “surprise and outrage” didn't matter.  I was behind in all of my bills, I was being evicted, my accounts were in the negative and what little money I had was being used for food, lights and gas.  I continued to look for a job every day.  I no longer had internet access so I went to Panera Bread and used their free Wi-Fi.  I would get a coffee and apply to jobs for as long as I could.  I kept thinking that things would have to turn around.  However, I just couldn't seem to make it work and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

After MedPro finally reported to ADP that I was no longer and employee, it took weeks for ADP to tell the state of Maryland that I was not an employee.  I know because I still called everyday.  After Maryland was informed I had to have another case review, and Maryland had a case backlog because not only were they handling unemployment, there were the cases of where people had run out of unemployment benefits and they were seeking assistance as well.  So, the state couldn't tell me when they were going to review my case.  I just needed to be ready when they sent me a time slot, because if I didn’t my case would go back in the pile.  This consisted of more months of waiting, with no idea of when I would receive my money.  

I received my money the same day that I lost my apartment.  The property management company wanted all of their money, and I didn't have that.  So, my money went to renting a storage unit and a U-haul truck.  It was in February, and it was extremely cold outside, and when I sat down that evening and ate, I bit on something and my back tooth split and started bleeding.  I wanted to start crying, because even though I knew this was happening to other people, I didn't see it coming and I wasn't prepared.  And, I couldn't stop what was happening.  It was like watching a train wreck.  Also, even people see this happening to others all of the times, if it happens to someone you know, many people wonder if that person is going to ask them for something.  I think that it also frightens others.  It is like you now have the failure plague, and it may be contagious. 

A friend let me stay at her house for a few weeks, until I could get myself together.  I continued job hunting and I started filing my taxes, because I was sure that I would get a refund because I had been unemployed last year longer than I had been employed.  Plus, while I was employed I had been trying to finish grad school, which is expensive, but also something that you can write off on your taxes.  My plan was to either start working, if I found a job, or move back home to Detroit and collect unemployment there until I found a job.  

I found a job, but it was in Albany.  I actually had the interview in my car.  I brought what things I could, and I have been trying to make a go of it in here.  It has not been easy and I have had a few financial setbacks, which is hard when you are already in trouble.  I have also lost contacts with some friends and family.  It has been a really trying time, and like I said, in some way it is like having the failure plague; people don’t want to be around you.  Mostly, because they think that you will ask them for something.  Now that I am in Albany, I am trying to start over by myself.  And, it has been difficult.  My brother thinks that I should get over what MedPro did, but it started a ball rolling that I couldn't stop.  And, I did try to stop it.  I tried everything that I could think of doing.  And I have prayed.  I don’t know what else to do.  The other issue is that as you falter people wonder if you are really trying to help yourself up or are you looking for pity.  Meanwhile bill collectors just ask you, to get a loan

from your friends and/or family (LOL).

Stereotypes, Knowledge and Feelings

For the past couple of weeks, my brother and I have not been speaking to each other.  I am sad about our argument, although right now, I can not fix what he thinks is wrong.  And, I may never be able to fix it.  I miss him.  However, what I don’t miss are the condescending remarks made about me or others based on stereotypes.  I am my brother’s half sister.  I grew up in Detroit, while my half siblings grew up in San Diego, California.  My brother is a truck driver and he makes regular deliveries to Detroit.  So, he only sees one portion of the city, and to him that is Detroit.  He has always made comments, like, “I don’t want to upset you, because you may cut me.  You are from Detroit, don’t you carry a switchblade?” or “Why would you feel uncomfortable growing up in a bad neighborhood, you grew up in Detroit?”  Also, as a Black woman, I am always trying to take advantage or lie about something.  Because, that is what Black women do.  All of these jokes or statements come from stereotypes instead of from our 15 year relationship. 

I was watching Oprah yesterday and the author of “Eat, Pray, Love”, Elizabeth Gilbert was being interviewed.  The author talked about taking the path of answering your calling and how when you decided to do that, you must realize that this is not an easy path.  She said that the path was going to be difficult and there were going to be lessons that needed to be learned throughout the journey.  One of the things that I have to accept is that no matter how long my brother or any person who relies on stereotypes knows me, they will always rely on the stereotype first.  They are never going to do the work of accepting me or anyone else as an individual.  They are always going to rely on their race or gender first.

The only reason that I discuss this is because it conflicts wit my upbringing.  Yes, I was exposed to stereotypes, but using them in any way was seriously frowned upon in our home.  A nice way to say it was that using stereotypes was a lazy person’s way of categorizing people and their behavior.  However, my mother was not nice; she said that using stereotypes was what common, low class and ignorant people did.  And, that most of the time, they didn't understand how what they were doing was wrong.  She would say, “You are a Leonard.  When you step out of this door, you represent our family.  You come from a good family and we don’t do that.”

What she didn’t tell me was that instead of stereotypes being something common people used, it was something that people used commonly.  And I never thought that it would be one of the things that caused a division between my mother’s side and my father’s side of the family.  

Why I Started Writing Again

The past couple of years in my life have been crazy.  There has been a serious upheaval in my life.  These changes have caused me to question things and they have also caused old issues and discussions to resurface.  As a writer you sometimes question yourself, at least I do.  I wonder if I really have anything worth saying.  And, if I do, I wonder if anyone is listening or cares.  So, most of my writing is limited on statuses or opinions on Facebook, which isn't really writing.  Well, I got my answer, not the way I wanted it, but I got it. 

Last week, my mother and I got into an argument, well really she yelled at me and I listened.  Here is how it started....

A few months ago, I wrote a Facebook comment about Congressman’s Keith Ellison’s book. In the book, he discussed the power of cliques in Detroit, and that to fulfill his potential; he had to leave Detroit, because certain opportunities were limited, because he did not belong to the right cliques.  I stated that I had experienced the same thing and had decided to move as well.  Well, my mother read that comment and even though a few months had passed, the comment stuck with her.  She told me that she was infuriated that I wrote it.  Through her eyes, making that comment meant that they (cliques) had won, and I had publicly admitted defeat.  However, in my eyes, they lost, because I took my skills and talent with me.  They missed out.   But anyway, she stated how it irritated her; just like that essay I wrote my freshman year in college her had irritated her.  Yes, she mentioned an essay that I wrote that essay almost 30 years ago.  I remember it, because I was proud of it.  It was the first “A” that I got in my English class.  The assignment was to write a comedic essay, and I wrote about adjusting to attending a coed university after attending an all girls’ school.   And then she yelled all of my self doubts out loud, “Why do you have to write?   Why don’t you just keep your thoughts to yourself?   Why do you think someone cares about what you have to say?  Who are you?” 

You would think that would have discouraged me, but as she was saying it, it was like I left myself and I was looking at the discussion as an outsider.  What I realized was that if it didn't matter, she wouldn't care and she wouldn't remember.  Expression of thought doesn't always please everyone.  Sometimes it isn't meant to please.  Usually, a person who writes just wants to make a connection with themselves and/or other people.  That connection can create understanding, be thought inspiring, invoke empathy or even anger, but it is about making a connection.   And, I made a connection, not the one I wanted, but a connection nonetheless.

What do you say a Parent? How do you get through the stress?

I had a lot of different thoughts about the Michael Brown story.  It is funny about what catches people’s eye and what doesn't. The sad part is that a lot of young black men have been killed by officers, or in Trayvon Martin’s case “authority figure” and their murderers were found not guilty, and the only people that took notice of what happened was the local family or the local community.   Today’s protesting of Michael Brown’s death was peaceful in Ferguson, and members of the local and international community took a sigh of relief.  I didn't agree with the violence that occurred, but, you have to wonder how much racism and pain can a community take?  

As a black woman, I have experienced racism, from police officers.  But, to truly understand what goes on when it comes to the type of racism that that occurs between young black men and the police, you have to be a black man or witness it.  When, I experienced racism from law enforcement, I usually left the scene feeling irritated and/or angry.   I understood that I was not treated fairly.  However, I had I experienced racism with law enforcement when I was with a guy I was seeing, I experienced additional feelings.  The first time, we were stopped by the police while we were on a date.   We were going to listen to a local coffee shop to hear some live music and get something to eat.  My date had not broken any laws, he was just stopped, and when he told the officer what we doing where we were going, the officer seemed to go out of his way to humiliate my date.  It was like that the officer was saying I am going to emasculate you in front of your date, and there is nothing you can do, but sit here and take it, because I am the authority and I am in control of this situation. And, that is how the date ended.  We went back home.   I felt embarrassed for my date, but there was nothing that I could say.  This is something that I had dealt with all of his life.  He was thankful, that it wasn't worse. 

 The second time was worse, we were in Maryland, and I was driving and I parked in front of a lake that I used to go to, while we ate McDonald’s, however, I didn't realize that the permission to park in that area was seasonal.  The police pulled up, but, I didn't get a ticket, he didn't even focus on me, he went over to the passenger side and he harassed my date, who wasn't even from Maryland, he was visiting from out of state.   When I asked the officer why was he talking to my date, when I am the one who made the error, and he was not even from the area, he told me to shut up.  I still remember hearing the officer asking where was he from and hearing him say “Ooh wee, you are from Detroit, what are you doing so far away from home?”  This time as a witness the whole experience left me shaken to the core.  Once again, I felt embarrassed for him, but this time, I felt fear.  I didn't feel like an American citizen, I felt like I had no rights and my life and the life of my date were at the mercy of this officer.   A few days later, I felt outraged and we got a lawyer, but the fear had to leave first.  Parents of young Black men, have to instruct their children how to behave in front of law enforcement, however, even if they behave in the “correct” manner, there is no guarantee that they will be treated in a respectful manner, or that they will be safe.  That is a lot of stress to deal with, as a parent and as a young black male, especially when you know that it can occur on any day that your son walks of his home.  

Lean Christmas / Lessons Learned

Well, it was a lean Christmas for me, however, the holidays were enriching in other ways.  I went home to Detroit, to see my mother.  I actually drove to Detroit, from Maryland under $100, with my new car, a Chevy Cruze.  Yes, that includes tolls for the Pennsylvania and Ohio Turnpike.   I only filled up my tank twice and I brought some food with me on my trip, so I wouldn't eat out as much.  I can't imagine how much I would have saved if it was a Hybrid.  I expected to save some money, but to travel 594 miles on less than $100 is pretty impressive.  My mother and I spent a lot of time together.  She has been in a serious car accident and is going to physical therapy.  Also, she can’t drive.  This has been very difficult for her, because she just retired and her plans weren't to spend her first year disabled.  She tore her ligaments in her shoulders and she re injured her back.  My mother is a classic Type A personality and this has been a drastic and depressing change for her.  This Christmas was somewhat somber, but enlightening, also there was some humor in it as well.  For Christmas, I bought my mother a new jogging suit.  It wasn't very fancy, it was blue (her favorite color) and I knew she needed it for exercising and it is easy to put on in the morning for physical therapy.  I also drove her around most of the holiday.  I didn't mind, because she has been depending on others and her insurance company, AAA, well…, let’s just say they are aptly named.  They only give her a stipend of $20/day for someone to do errands and help around the house.  And, even though the economy is pitiful in Detroit, it is still hard to find help.  Sometimes we were doing errands for 8 hours, now we did get to go out to eat as well, but mostly we were trying to get tasks completed.  The one thing that I didn't expect in spending all of this time with my mother is that I didn't expect her to admit her faults without provocation.  My mother actually admitted that she was harder on raising me than my grandmother was on raising her.  She also said that she didn't know why.  One theory that she had is that she really grew up as an only child and my grandmother had 2 younger siblings.  She thinks that it made my grandmother more patient with little kids.  I don’t know if that was the reason or not, but I appreciated the fact that she admitted it.  She even admitted to sometimes being an "A".  Once again, I was surprised, because it was volunteered.  I, like a lot of people have had issues with my mother, and I doubt that they will end, or that we will never have problems again.  But it was surprising to think that she actually reflected on events and saw them from a different perspective than her original one.  It also gave me hope that our relationship may improve as the years go by, and I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas gift. 

However, it could be those painkillers that they are giving her.  Or the fact that I fell down the stairs and bumped my head.  Hmmn, I never thought of that….

Well, it is a new year, and 2011 kicked almost everyone’s behind (A), so I think that I will hold out for hope.