Thanksgiving…

There have been so many Soul Stirring events that have happened recently.  I think that we all need to take time to remember what we are Thankful for.

Here is what I am Thankful for...

I am Thankful that I am a Child of God

I am Thankful for my Mother

I am Thankful for all the Wisdom my Grandmother left me before she left this world

I am Thankful for my Family

I am Thankful for my Friends

I am Thankful for the Existence and the Belief of Hope and the Ability to have it even when I am surrounded by despair

I am Thankful for Strength and the Discernment of when to use it

I am Thankful for the ability to obtain Enlightenment and share it

Happy Thanksgiving

#Thanksgiving

#Thankful

#Family

Truth vs. Fantasy...Bill Cosby vs. Cliff Huxtable and Bill Cosby

As more and more women are coming out to say that they were either raped of sexually assaulted by Bill Cosby people are beginning to believe that there has to be some truth to all of these allegations.  Many people of my generation are disappointed because we thought of Bill Cosby as Cliff Huxtable.  But he was not Cliff, Cliff was just a character that he created based on his fatherhood related sketches.  Actually, the characters from Fat Albert were closer to the people that he knew growing up. Could you imagine any of those cartoon characters growing up and becoming someone like Cliff Huxtable?  I forgot, that I didn't mention the show, I Spy, because that show came out in the 60’s.  However, in that show Bill Cosby’s character was created by someone else.   But, the funny part is that the I Spy character was a Rhodes Scholar who attended Temple University, so he was closer to the Cliff Huxtable model.  There were also the movie characters that he created, and of course the Jell-o commercials.  So, what is my point about mentioning all of these characters, well it is just that, they were characters.  They were not real.  I think that Bill Cosby should be given credit for always trying to emulate strong positive intelligent African American characters, as an actor.  But, these characters were not him.  They are just characters, only friends and family know the actual man.  As an African American, I think that our fear, is that if these allegations are true, then the positive characters and image will be taken away or somehow diminished by the rest of society.  But the possibility of who Bill Cosby was and is, doesn't mean that strong intelligent African American role models don’t really exist in our society.  They do.  We just have to accept that he may not have really been one of them.  And that part was OK; there was no requirement that you have to be yourself as an actor. There never has been. Many entertainers have their public and private personas.  The real issue is that we have found a much darker and/or disturbing private persona for Bill Cosby.  And many people in our generation feel betrayed.  We thought that we knew him and we may not. 

Here is what I have noticed…


There are many critics that find it impossible for him to be a rapist because Bill Cosby has mentored or discovered many young women.  And, these women have gone on to have great careers.  Some of the more recent females have included Robin Givens, Stacy Dash and Erika Alexander and you know what, I don’t think that he did anything to these females.  He has also given advice to Oprah Winfrey, and no, I don’t think that he tried anything with her either.  There were many women over the years that Bill Cosby mentored, and I don’t think that he was ever anything more than a friend or fatherly figure to them, and because of that, I believe that it was easy for a struggling actress or model to meet Bill Cosby and believe that he would be their mentor, because he had a history of doing that for females that he thought were talented.  All of the women who claimed to have been raped by Bill Cosby have more than a similar story in common.  They have a similar type and they seem to have similar personalities.  So, then the question becomes, is it possible, that he labeled some actresses as truly talented and others as women that he could take advantage of and get away with it.  And I think that the answer may be yes.  Most of the women that I mentioned were too young for him to try anything.  However, Robin Givens was about the right age.  Could you imagine what would have happened if he had tried something with her?  That woman would have sung like a bird or been heavily compensated.  I hate to say it, but I think that Bill Cosby knew what type of prey to select. 

#BillCosby
#mentor
#predator

The Holiday Season

Another Holiday season is upon us and this year as the Frugal Diva, I am not prepared.  So, for me it is window bargain shopping.  But for you, it can be a great day to save.  As I have said before, I do not go and face the crowds on Black Friday, I hit the internet.  Yes, I will be window shopping on the internet.  So, here are my top 3 online bargain shopping sites:

Online

Overstock  www.overstock.com – I used to really love this site.  They advertise a lot more now.  The sad part is that when some sites become more popular, their prices go up, so I would take advantage of shopping here, but I would still pay attention to make sure that I am getting a good bargain.

No more rack  www.nomorerack.com  -  I love this site.  This site has everything, and you can get some great deals.  I have purchased some great quality items from this site.  

I Herb  www.iherb.com  -  If you are into health or you have friends who are health nuts this is the place to go and the prices are right.  They even have health supplements for pets.  Also, depending on how much you order, you can get free shipping.  If you want to make gift baskets or stocking stuffers for Christmas, and your friends or family are into health, this would be a great place to go. 

Now, I do venture out, after Black Friday.  And when I am in Frugal Diva mode, I am in gift basket and stocking stuffer mode.  Here are my top 3 for Bricks and Mortar. 

Bricks and Mortar

Tuesday Morning www.tuesdaymorning.com  - If I am making gift baskets, I usually go here instead of an arts and crafts store.  Why?  I can usually get a higher quality basket for a lower price.  Of course, this store has all types of items that make great stocking stuffers and it wont torture your budget.  

TJ Maxx  www.tjmaxx.tjx.com – This place has clothes, gadgets, snacks and accessories. What else could a girl want?  Don’t get lost in the shoe and purse aisles; you are shopping for others, not for yourself.  (OK, this is what I tell myself.)  You can also shop online with TJ Maxx.  But I think that you will find better deals if you pound the pavement. 

Ross www.rossstores.com – This is TJ Maxx’s competitor, and I have found great deals there as well. 

Stating the Obvious

Well, of course you see the Amazon advertisements on my sites.  Do I shop at www.amazon.com ?   Well, yes I do.  Do they have great savings?  Yes.  So, why aren’t they on my top 3 list?  Well, when I think of Amazon, I think of 3 things first: variety, delivery and books.  And then, I think about the fact that they have great bargains.  When I think of the other sites, I think of bargains first.  Also, Amazon is not a site that I visit only during the Holiday Season; it is a site that I visit all year long.

Happy Holidays!!! 

 

Happy Savings!!

Lessons Learned…

Gesu -  My Elementary School

I have constantly looked over my life and my current situation, to try to understand what I am supposed to learn being in this situation.  My conclusion is… being part of the Poor/Working Class is bullshit.  Please pardon my French.  But here are the lessons that I have learned so far…

Lesson #1

Poor/working class people have no room for error in their lives.  And, when your financial situation is close to poverty, everything is far from perfect.  I went to go boot shopping, yesterday, because I need new boots for winter.  I stopped at one store and thought, OK, I will get these, but then I stopped.  I realized that I might find something better elsewhere.  In my past, if I found a boot that I liked better, I would just buy them as well.  Now, I have to really look at is it what I need.  Also, I usually have more than one pair of boots for the season and that time is over for now.  As a Frugal Diva, I would just go to TJ Maxx or Burlington’s and get a couple of pairs.  I can’t afford that, as a Working Class Diva, I can afford one pair, that’s it.  There is no discretionary spending, not even for the Holiday season. 

Lesson #2

I have learned is that time really does move faster as you get older.  There are so many things that I always said that I would get to later, and too much time has passed.  I don’t know where it went, but it has gone and I have missed out on great friendships and opportunities. 

Lesson #3

There is no use kicking yourself about your past.  The past is meant for reminiscing and learning, not punishing yourself for time that you can’t get back. 

Lesson#4 

Some pills are just hard to swallow.  I have always believed that you treat people the way you want to be treated, not the way you think that they should be treated.  That belief comes with a price, because everyone is not going to believe what you believe.  The mission is to do your best, without any expectation.

Dear Loan Con Men… Don’t call me!!

Some companies use legitimate bank names to pull these scams.One of the sad things about being broke is that you are more vulnerable to Con Men than people with money.  I can’t tell you how many calls I have gotten, asking if I would I like a $5,000 or $10,000 loan.  Or, they call me and tell me that my loan is approved.  Ok, first, you have to apply for a loan, to get a loan.  Second, no company is going to loan you thousands of dollars without knowing how you are going to pay them back.  If they are offering you money, it is because they know that you have it.  The newest scam is they tell you that you are approved, and then the “loan officer” tells you that you need to go to CVS, Rite Aid or some other convenience store and get a Moneypak.  They call it a payment verification form, yeah right.  Really what they are asking you to do is to put a percentage, usually 5% to 10% of the initial loan amount on the card, to prove that you will be able to make the monthly installments.  What???!!!   The only thing that proves is that I can scrape up a couple hundred dollars that does not prove to anyone that I can make monthly payments on a loan.  However, people fall for this, partly out of desperation.  Then, the con man takes the money and you are now a few hundred dollars poorer than you were.  My favorite is GE Money Bank.  I like that one because I have done business with the real GE Money Bank and they aren't calling to offer anyone a loan that does not have money.  And, since my credit and economic status has changed, I don’t hear from them.  (Well, I do hear from the bill collectors.)  Also, GE Money Bank does not exist anymore, they have a new name, Synchrony Bank , and the only reason that I know that is Synchrony calls me because owe them money.

 So, I am really surprised when John Smith (with a heavy Indian accent) calls me and says that he is from GE Money Bank and that he wants to give me $10,000.  Especially when I know that they are already sweating me for the $2,000 that I owe.  Wow, I could borrow money from them and pay my past due balance off at the same time.   Um..., I don’t think so, I wish it were true, but… no.  But the craziness continues, first, you can hear all of the people in the background talking and reading the same lines.  And, except for having an “American Name” these people have no grasp of Western culture.  For example, they take pity on you if you are a single woman and ask you what happened.  Could you see single/divorced women in the United States applying at banks today applying for loans having the loan officers sigh or give a there-there when they read their marital status?  Or, maybe the loan officer would say, “Single, and over 35.  Oh, cheer up, things will get better.”  (She might not get a loan, but she may get a lawsuit and a bank.)

But wait, there is more, if you don’t do what these men tell you to do, then they get condescending or they start yelling at you.  “Do you want a loan or not?”  “I am trying to help you!”  Hey there is nothing like a little abuse and male chauvinism thrown in with a good scam.  

Sometimes instead of calling you, they send emails.  My favorite email starts with “Hey, are lenders not loaning you money?  Well, we will because I am a baddass.”  Yes, it really says baddass.  You know what I am going to go Wells Fargo or Capital One and ask for the Baddass lender.  If it is a brick and mortar bank, I want the “B” to be capitalized.

Legal or Crooked!  Put Your Name Here !

I am having are hard time financially and I know that others are suffering too, but don’t fall for these jokers.  At least let’s make them come up with better scams, con artists who know their mark, or hire American Con Artists.  Large companies and Major Con Artists both hire callers overseas.  Damn!!  Must everybody be so lazy and cheap???!!  

The Hardest Situation Yet

Getting back on my feet this time, has been the hardest, the loneliest and the scariest ever.  Last December, I lost my job, and it was the most traumatic ever.  I wasn't fired, my company MedPro Staffing, lost its contract with CSC.  So, all the MedPro employees were called on the same day and told that their contract was ending and that Friday was their last day.  The company called me first and told me not to tell anyone.  So, I sat in the office watching people one by one getting a call to say that they had lost their job 10 days before Christmas.  I was sad that I was losing an income, but the job had been difficult starting the first day.  I was hired to help make change; however, if change isn't really wanted, or accepted, it benefits no one.  And, it is torture to the person that you bring in to make change, have them review your situation and then do nothing, except fail.  Do I believe if they had made my changes we would still have a job, maybe, a few months later the State of Maryland suspended the contract and everyone lost their jobs.  And, I have to admit, I do believe that my changes could have helped save that contract. I think that the state would have looked at the contractors as trying to make an effort.  Anyway, when I lost my job, I filed unemployment, however, when the state of Maryland contacted MedPro, my company told the state that I was still employed.  When that happens in the state of Maryland, a red flag goes on your case and they do an investigation, because there could be fraudulent activity.  I immediately called ADP which was my company’s payroll and benefit handler, they were rude and unpleasant, and then I would call MedPro in Florida.  MedPro told me that it was their policy to keep their employees on the books in case another position came up, and then they wouldn't have to start the hiring process and paperwork again.  Also, I could keep my benefits.  I understood this, however, MedPro specializes in Nursing and Medical Staffing, and I was a Technical Writer working on a state Medicaid project.  So, I didn't fit their typical employee profile.  Their policy works for their typical employee, and it may have worked for me, if someone there was also looking for employment for me.  However, that was not the case.  Also, I found out that the insurance coverage was not even true.  I went the dentist to get my teeth cleaned, and I was not covered.  So, I had to cancel my appointment, I thought about complaining to them about it, because they had taken money out or my check for Dental Insurance, yet I was not covered.  Technically, they do still owe me that money, however, because they had it taken out of my payroll, but never enrolled.  But, now, I was worried about how I was going to keep a roof over my head.  So, I kept calling them as well as well as job hunting.  Meanwhile my money was going fast because I did not have any income, I had a small 401K through MedPro, which theoretically I should have been able to either remove or take a lone on, because I was still an employee, but I couldn’t get access to that little money either.  At the end of December, I called because MedPro still did not change my status, and the told me that my rep was on vacation and only she could authorize the change.  I spoke with everyone up to the president, and all I ever received was I am sorry, but that is our policy.  I also continued talking with the State of Maryland, and the Unemployment office representative asked me if I explained to MedPro what type of position they were putting me in by not releasing me as an employee.  Not only was I unable to draw, unemployment, I could not take advantage of the state’s employment assistance program.  Maryland has a few programs that will assist you in finding employment.  I was locked out of everything.  Also, I was locked out of some financial assistance programs because the requirements were that you had to be working with proof of income or receiving unemployment, I had neither.  It puts a whole different spin on talking to bill collectors.  They would ask me when did I think that I would get paid, or receive any benefits, and I had no answer. 

I didn't give up looking for a job, or calling MedPro and ADP.  No matter how rude they were to me, I talked to them on a regular basis.  When I finally got my rep from MedPro and told her that the company had not taken me off their books (nor found me employment), she demanded to know who I had talked to because I should have been off.  But, her “surprise and outrage” didn't matter.  I was behind in all of my bills, I was being evicted, my accounts were in the negative and what little money I had was being used for food, lights and gas.  I continued to look for a job every day.  I no longer had internet access so I went to Panera Bread and used their free Wi-Fi.  I would get a coffee and apply to jobs for as long as I could.  I kept thinking that things would have to turn around.  However, I just couldn't seem to make it work and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

After MedPro finally reported to ADP that I was no longer and employee, it took weeks for ADP to tell the state of Maryland that I was not an employee.  I know because I still called everyday.  After Maryland was informed I had to have another case review, and Maryland had a case backlog because not only were they handling unemployment, there were the cases of where people had run out of unemployment benefits and they were seeking assistance as well.  So, the state couldn't tell me when they were going to review my case.  I just needed to be ready when they sent me a time slot, because if I didn’t my case would go back in the pile.  This consisted of more months of waiting, with no idea of when I would receive my money.  

I received my money the same day that I lost my apartment.  The property management company wanted all of their money, and I didn't have that.  So, my money went to renting a storage unit and a U-haul truck.  It was in February, and it was extremely cold outside, and when I sat down that evening and ate, I bit on something and my back tooth split and started bleeding.  I wanted to start crying, because even though I knew this was happening to other people, I didn't see it coming and I wasn't prepared.  And, I couldn't stop what was happening.  It was like watching a train wreck.  Also, even people see this happening to others all of the times, if it happens to someone you know, many people wonder if that person is going to ask them for something.  I think that it also frightens others.  It is like you now have the failure plague, and it may be contagious. 

A friend let me stay at her house for a few weeks, until I could get myself together.  I continued job hunting and I started filing my taxes, because I was sure that I would get a refund because I had been unemployed last year longer than I had been employed.  Plus, while I was employed I had been trying to finish grad school, which is expensive, but also something that you can write off on your taxes.  My plan was to either start working, if I found a job, or move back home to Detroit and collect unemployment there until I found a job.  

I found a job, but it was in Albany.  I actually had the interview in my car.  I brought what things I could, and I have been trying to make a go of it in here.  It has not been easy and I have had a few financial setbacks, which is hard when you are already in trouble.  I have also lost contacts with some friends and family.  It has been a really trying time, and like I said, in some way it is like having the failure plague; people don’t want to be around you.  Mostly, because they think that you will ask them for something.  Now that I am in Albany, I am trying to start over by myself.  And, it has been difficult.  My brother thinks that I should get over what MedPro did, but it started a ball rolling that I couldn't stop.  And, I did try to stop it.  I tried everything that I could think of doing.  And I have prayed.  I don’t know what else to do.  The other issue is that as you falter people wonder if you are really trying to help yourself up or are you looking for pity.  Meanwhile bill collectors just ask you, to get a loan

from your friends and/or family (LOL).

Hey Baby, How you doing? What’s your name? Why aren’t you smiling? Come here and talk to me for a minute…

So, many people had comments on the woman walking in the streets of New York City for 10 hours being harassed by men  http://youtu.be/b1XGPvbWn0A .  I didn't watch it, and I didn't comment on it.  Not because it isn't anything new, or because it isn't wrong, I just didn't comment on it.  I thought that it was good that it was actually taped, because many people need to see what some women have to go through on a daily basis.  I did not live in New York City, but I did experience sexual harassment while walking and while working when I was a younger woman.  I didn't need to see something that I experienced.  I was uncomfortable with the fact that people attacked her, but I didn't say anything about that either, because these attacks and/or arguments are not new either.  There has always been an opposing side stating that really this is a compliment, or it is harmless, or the woman is dressing too provocatively, and etc... There have always been people who want to attack and deflect.  These arguments are more than just decades old, they are centuries old.  In fact, the idea of taping the harassment reminded me of an old Designing Women episode about construction workers. http://youtu.be/hxGRJElvEo0  

 However, this issue got under my skin when I read the article from the Daily Caller, “New York Times: Should Black And Hispanic Men Be Banned From Chatting Up White Feminist Women?”  http://news.yahoo.com/york-times-black-hispanic-men-banned-chatting-white-035140800.html So, now even this is a race issue, Wow!!  As a young African American woman, I got catcalled by men of all races.  Now, when I read this article, the New York Times discussion piece, “Do we need a law against catcalling?”  http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2014/10/31/do-we-need-a-law-against-catcalling , people are arguing that it is a race issue.  I am supposed to listen to this argument, and entertain in any credible way that this is a race, cultural and economic class issue and not a sex and power issue.   Wait, let me take one thing back, it is cultural thing, an American, Latino, Hispanic, European, Middle Eastern, African, and etc… cultural issue, but it has nothing to do with race.  It has always been a way to demean women.  The only reason the woman was harassed by more minorities in this video, was that more minorities were outside.  If she were in neighborhood where a lot of white men were working outside she would have experienced the same thing.  But, the saddest part about this is that many women know women know what I am saying is true because they have experienced it first had, but race has divided this country up so much recently, that they will ignore their past experiences, they will ignore fact and agree that this is a race issue or worse, just not say anything at all.  

Bill Maher was (Whi..) Right, but he was Wrong

Last night while watching Real Time with Bill Maher and Mr. Maher addressed the Berkeley Commencement speech issue on his show, he mentioned that he only stated facts and he also mentioned how even an Islamic man mentioned that he was not a bigot.  That was actually very “White” of him, not right.  Mr. Maher’s argument last night was that even though Islam is supposed to be a peaceful religion, people’s rights are denied in Islamic countries.  On the show he used examples of how choosing a Christian religion or being homosexual would not be accepted in the Muslim part of the world.  And, in a lot of Islamic countries, that is a fact.  Also, even though it was not last night, he has mentioned, we treat our women better.  By “we” he meant Western culture, not religion. 

And, it is true that if I decided to change from a Presbyterian (which I am) to a Muslim.  My family might not be thrilled, but I am not going to lose my life over it.  And, the same thing would happen if I became a Lesbian tomorrow.  But, that has not always been true here, and in some places in the United States, it still isn't true.  The Western culture does treat their women (Why do I feel like saying Women folks??) better.  But, it didn't just happen, a lot of women and men fought for that, and they still are fighting, because women are not treated equally here, just better.  And, the same goes for race, sexuality, religion and freedom of speech.  We have made more progress than the Islamic nations, and we are definitely further ahead than Jihadists, but that is because the Jihadists want to go back in time.  Jihadist have a time in Islamic culture that they have romanticized (even though it is through violence) where everything in the world was the way it “should be”.  It was a time where the Islamic culture was considered the most civilized, well respected, admired and feared.  And, the Western culture (a.k.a. the infidels) were the barbarians.  But, that time has passed. 

So, where is Bill Maher wrong? Well, it isn’t his fault; in fact many will disagree with what I say now.  See, in our country, we had Founding Fathers who had ideas of creating a free country and the they wrote a Declaration of Independence, which said that “all men have unalienable rights” and we state things like “all men are created equal”.  So it is normal for him to have those beliefs.  But, honestly, it has been: “all men will be created equal in 100+ years or so” or “look even though we haven’t quite met our own standards, we are ahead of those people over there.  Don’t we get points for that?”  And, the answer is no.  Look if it were a test, the US would get a 60 percent, because we are still fighting to become the standard that we created.  The Islamic nations would get a 40 and the Jihadists would get a 2% heading towards a -5% against our standard.  But when it comes to grading, we all failed.  Does it mean I would rather be there, absolutely not?  But, that would be the argument, it always has been offered, at least by bigots.  Right now, I am in a country that is closer to meeting the expectations that were set many years ago.  But, we as a people don’t like to hear that we are not sticking to the ideals that we set.  That was why our First Lady, Michelle Obama, got in trouble before she became the first lady.  When she said that she was finally proud of her country, it was twisted into she had never been proud, when all she was really doing was celebrating our country taking a leap forward.  Until we meet our own standards, we can’t judge nations and groups who in some ways really haven’t even started setting their own standards and expectations, much less follow them.