It is all about Priorities

Me and Mom

So, at the beginning of December, I was talking to my mother and she was telling that she was not feeling well.  She described her symptoms and I suggested that she go see a doctor.  She told me that she had already scheduled an appointment and the doctor was going scrape some cells and send them out for testing.  I said OK and then I went to bed.  I woke up in the middle of the night and I realized that my mother just told me that she was taking a biopsy.  Could my mother have cancer?  No, that couldn't happen.  I have been through a lot this year; I could not now face the idea that my mother may have Uterine Cancer. That would just be too much.  Then, I thought, this isn't about me, or what I could bear.  This was about my mother.  But, still, all I could think about was me.  That morning, I got up and I started thinking about what my resignation letter was going to look like, when I emailed it.  My logical side kicked in and it told me that my mother was not well and whether she had cancer or not, something was wrong and she didn't need to be by herself.  However, for the rest of the day, all I could think about was what I would do if she had cancer.  I never completely recovered from my bout with cancer.  The chemotherapy drugs had long term affects that I am still trying to recover from.  I have trouble taking care of myself, how I will take care of my mother?  My finances are in a complete shambles and I am in a different state at a dead end job.  What if I lose my mother?  What am I going to do?  I can’t lose my mother too.  I think that would be too much to bear.  Even though they say that God doesn't give us any more than we can handle.  I was terrified.  Must I be that strong?  Could I be strong for her and for me if I had to?  I don’t think that I could. 

My Grandmother - Sweetiepie

A few days before my grandmother passed, my mother got an eerie feeling while she was driving, and she said out loud, “God, you aren't about to take my mother away from me, are you?”  And immediately after she said that she ran into our garage door.  I actually thought about that when I went to get my mail that afternoon.  Am I going to get into an accident, while driving to the Post Office?  Am I going to find out my mother is ill or worse?  I sat in my car and cried.  I was scared to start the car.  I cried for three reasons, the first was being scared that I might lose my mother.  I cried because I was confused.  The third reason was for being more like my mother than I thought I was, she hadn't even taken the test or been diagnosed with cancer, and I was almost petrified.  The tests were not even going to occur until the middle of December.  If I was crying on the 2^nd, how was I going to make it to the 20^th?  My mother has been always able to turn worrying to an art form.  In the end, am I turning into my mother?

Home

After, I cried, I took a deep breath, all of my other personal issues fell to wayside.  I went to my room and drafted my resignation which I sent it the following evening.  My company was not happy with me, even though I told them why I was resigning.  In fact, they were not speaking to me.  My reaction had been, that’s too bad, screw them.  I decided that the most important thing that I could do was to be with my mother, no matter what the outcome was, after all, that was what families were for and my mother needed me.  And, I needed her.  I decided that I had to go home.

#worry

#cancer
#cancersucks

Well, apparently, there is plenty to say...

I have never been so let down by people and the media when it comes to the way they have covered the shooting of these police officers.  I thought that I had nothing to say, but I was wrong.  The amount of agenda seeking idiots paraded around on television has been depressing and mind boggling at the same time.  The man who shot the police officers had a long criminal record and a problem with mental illness, yet politicians and media people are asking if the protesting brought on this attack.  Some are trying to state that the protests are encouraging “open season” on police officers.  The man shot his girlfriend first and she was not a police officer.  The man was crazy, and the sad part is that very few are asking how did he get a gun and that should be the real question.  Everyone does not hate all police officers.  Protesters do not hate all police officers.  However, we all hate people who are abusive or commit murders and hide behind a shield.  That is the behavior that puts people in danger.  And, if we are truly honest with ourselves (police included), it was the actions of those officers, not the protesters that contributed to this tragedy. The protesters were not outside because they have nothing else to do, they are outside because they witnessed behavior that was unjust, one too many times, and protesting is a form of drawing attention to an issue to ignite change.  They are trying to ignite change not violence toward police officers.

I am attacking the media, because I listened to a reporter on CNN argue, how the shooter could be crazy, he planned the execution.  Crazy people are capable of logic and figuring out plans.  I am not doctor, but I am sure of this, and so is everyone else.  And, anything can trigger a violent episode.  We just observed an anniversary of a young man who had mental illness execute his mother and then small children at a school.  Who knows what triggered that violent episode.  I worked with a technician years ago who suffered from mental illness, I never knew it because he was quiet.  In fact, except for Human Resources, no one else knew he had problems either.  He came in and did his work and resolved issues on a daily basis, until one Monday he did not come into work.  He had a therapy session with his Doctor on a Saturday and apparently he brought his father’s gun in with him, the Doctor tried to take it away from him, he shot the Doctor and then himself. 

I am also attacking the media, because they keep hyping up this whole Protesters vs. Police issue.  This is not the real issue.  The false issue that the media is providing is inaccurate, irresponsible, unfair and blatantly dangerous.

#cnn

#yellowjournalism

#dontbelievethehype

What can I say?

Two officers were shot execution style while working.  This is the United States of America; no one should be shot execution style.  We have courts, we have due process, and we have civil disobedience.  We have all of these options to share our opinions and change the world.  Yet, there is always someone, who is either crazy or just and asshole who brings it down to the level of a gun or physical violence.  This division in the country is wrong, it is cruel, and it is heartbreaking.  What I have noticed is that each side seems to dehumanize each other.  We are all human beings, we are all someone’s children, parents, friends, loved ones, whether we wear a shield or not.  All I can really say is “What the hell??!!” 

People need to realize that the problem that we have is not an “Us vs. Them” issue.  This is an “Us vs. Ignorance and Violence” issue.  As a law abiding citizen, I don’t want to be afraid of the police.  I don’t want boys and men of color to be afraid of the police.  And, I don’t want the police to be afraid of us.  A police officer’s job is already dangerous by definition.  Every day a police officer leaves home, they are risking their life.  And having a career that has that type of danger is enough.  If we ever want to get pass this devastating mess, then we have to accept and address the real issues.

#ignorance

#peace

#violence

#USA

Integrity

Integrity is defined as ‘the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. "he is known to be a man of integrity."

I have always had a problem with the way this word has always been treated, for some reason, even though English doesn't have masculine and feminine nouns, this word has always been attached to masculinity.  Even the example states, “he is known to be a man of integrity.”  Women, have Integrity as well, should be the usual response, but it isn't.  Sometimes I think that when women are referred to as the “weaker sex”, people don’t only mean physically and emotionally, but morally as well.  This has bothered me for a long, long time. 

For example, when I was in my 20’s I moved back home to Detroit to finish school at Wayne State University, I was dating a guy who lived in Detroit and who would visit me at Michigan State on the weekends.  Our relationship was going along great until I moved back home to Detroit.  After I moved home, he stood me up for a date.  That had never happened before, and now it was happening while I was living at home, where my family could see it.  I couldn't understand why this was happening.  Later on, he explained to me that he thought I had decided to move back home so that I could force him to marry me.  After all, he made $30,000 and he had his own house.  First, I didn't know that I could be bought for so little.  Of course, our relationship ended after that.  However, his logic didn't make any sense, we weren't at the "let’s get married" stage of the relationship, so marriage was the furthest thing away from my mind.  But over the years, I often heard from men and women, “well you know you women will do that.”  My grandmother was the only person who responded to the situation appropriately, she busted out laughing. (In fact, she laughed at the situation long and hard.)  Sometimes, it seems as if, women cannot be individuals that have integrity.  For some reason, society takes the attitude that feminine principles can’t stand upright, they must bend or break at any time for the right man and the right amount of money.  Well, that attitude is a crock of shit. 

Integrity popped into my head again with the recent accusations of Bill Cosby drugging and/or raping all of these women.  All of these women have been verbally attacked, even though some of these women have been claiming that Bill Cosby had sexually assaulted them for almost 20 years.  And, one of the most common accusations is that every last woman wants money, even though most of the women are not suing.  Right now, the only people that are making money are Bill Cosby’s lawyers who have been responding to all of these allegations as well as digging up as much dirt on these women as they can find and the media.  One of the accusers asked, "Who would want these 15 minutes of shame?", and she is right, who would.  The problem remains, that until now, Bill Cosby has had a great reputation and he was on his way to developing a great legacy.  And, that legacy would have been very valuable, especially to the African American community.  As an African American, the thought that he could have done this to all these women is hurtful and disappointing.  But,  as a woman, I would be wrong to automatically attack and question every woman’s statement and assume that each woman is out for Bill Cosby’s money. 

The other argument used is "Why would Cosby rape a woman, when he could have any woman he wanted?"  First, rape isn't about sex, it is about power.  But, let us say for a moment that it is about sex and entertain this question.  He could have any woman, really?  Could that be true?  So… any woman, no matter how rich, famous, married, straight, gay, single, young, middle-aged or old would say yes, if Bill Cosby asked them to "do the do", just because he is Bill Cosby.  I don’t think so.  Do some women leave their spouses or loved ones to sleep or be with celebrities?  Yes, but not all.  Women have integrity too.  Now, it may be true that Mr. Cosby would have a larger selection than most.  But, there is always someone, who will say "No!"  There is always someone who can’t be bought.

Now, let us step back into reality rape isn't about sex, it is about power.  And, someone who has sex repeatedly with people who are almost or completely unconscious has some really serious issues that should not be taken lightly.  And, I think that there needs to be some type of investigation.  I am not saying that every woman that claims she has been raped or sexually assaulted is truthful, people lie.  But I don’t think that the integrity of a woman who has stated that she has been raped or sexually assaulted should be immediately questioned either.    

#womenwithintegrity
#integrity
#BillCosby

15 Rules on How to Survive an Encounter with the Police

Based on recent events, here is what we have learned on how to handle encounters with 

the police.

How to Survive an Encounter with the Police

1.  Be Compliant.  Do not argue at all.  Do not challenge authority.

2.  Let the Police Officer(s) know, that you have no desire to die today.

3.  Show no signs of anger.  Do not attempt to escape.

4.  Be positive.

5.  Keep your dignity.

6.  When you are in public, always walk like you know where you are going.

7.  Avoid getting into political or ideological discussions.  For example, don’t make a 

     comment about the officer trying to make their quota.

8.  Be a good listener.  Follow instructions and ask if you are not sure about what you 

     are being told.

9.  Speak normally. DO NOT complain, avoid being belligerent and comply with all 

     orders and instructions.

10. If you are big, try to make yourself small by acting passive and not making any 

      sudden movements.

11. If caught in a situation or if the police believe that they have caught you in a 

      situation, DO NOT RUN. Drop to the floor and remain still. It that is not possible, 

      cross your arms, bow your head, and stand still.

12. Speak clearly, but try to keep your head down or look sideways.  Do not look directly 

      at the Police Officer(s), unless you are asked to, especially if you feel any anger.

13. Don’t show any sarcasm in your voice. 

14. When given the opportunity talk to them, humanize yourself; let them know if you 

      are parent, spouse or child.  Talk about your family, the school you attend or your 

      church.

15. Know your rights, but remain calm if they are violated.

#stayingalive
#Ican'tbreathe
#survive

It isn’t a Bandwagon anyone wants to be on….

Last night my former boss was on Facebook talking about what the GOP staffer had said about President Obama’s daughters.  He was saying that we need to complain and she needs to be fired.  I glanced; I thought that it was inappropriate.  But, I didn't say anything, nor did I respond to the post.  Sometimes, you just get numb.  There is always something.  Well, this morning, I turned on CNN after I finished my 6 am meeting, they were discussing the incident, and they read what the staffer had said about the girls.  For a brief moment, I was angry, and I posted my feelings on Facebook.  Here is what I posted:

“The Communication Director from Tennessee should be fired for what she said about the President's daughters. The apology was half-assed. But, I don't believe much will happen because they are two black girls. “

If you glance at the statement, you would think that comes from Trayvon Martin, or the Mike Brown incident, or all the other incidents that have occurred recently, and you know, I wish the hell it did.  But, it didn't.  It comes from life.  It comes from your parents telling you that you have value, but others are not going to see it.  And even though you shouldn't have to prove anything, you have to prove them wrong.  It comes from…

• Being 9 and getting a “C: in Science on your report card, and when you mother asks the Science teacher to show her your grades in her grade book, she doesn't have any.  You got a “C” because you looked average.  So, your mother comes home and tells you that you are going to learn how to outline.  Because you are going to outline your 4^th grade Science book for extra credit, so you won’t look average. ( I still had fun, because Ronaldo Turner also started outlining his Science book, so we would compete to see who completed the most chapters each week.  I guess that he looked average too. )

• Being a sophomore in high school and being told that besides writing about African American stories, Black people can’t write, by your English teacher.

• Being a senior in high school and your Spanish teacher tells your mother that you are not college material in front of you.  And then, the teacher tries to console your mother by saying “There –There maybe the next generation in your family will go to college.”, not realizing that your mother was skipping her graduate Math class to meet with her about her daughter. 

• Returning to your dorm after spending a weekend at home and having all of your belongings set out in the hallway of your college dorm, because your roommates decide that when they divide the triples, you are the one who should leave.  And, they want to make sure that you get the message.

• Having your manager giving your summer home address and phone to a local drug dealer in college without your knowledge or permission, and then apologizing after he finds out that you are a MSU college student, just like him.  I guess every young black girl not in college wants to date a guy with money, no matter how he gets it.

• Having someone who you thought was your friend tells you during a misunderstanding, “I could have had some guys come over and beat you up, but I didn't.”  And knowing that if you weren't Black, the offer would not have been made, and you would have never heard that statement. 

My point is that it comes from a lot of unnecessary crap.  I don’t tell you how each story ends, because it isn't necessary.  We can just jump ahead and say that I am survivor, not a victim.  And, when I was too young to fight, my mother and grandmother were there to fight for me.  For every story I have there are many Black women who have there own.  And we experience the same crap today.  However, sometimes, when we see it start all over on the next generation, we just get pissed off.  We have to say something.  Those girls were just standing there; they were dressed fine for a 13 and 16 year old.  Now you can say that the Communication Director was exercising free speech.  Well, I am exercising mine, now that she has resigned.  Good riddance!!  Don’t let the doorknob hit you, where the good Lord split you.

#unnecessarycrap

#survivor