It is all about Priorities

Me and Mom

So, at the beginning of December, I was talking to my mother and she was telling that she was not feeling well.  She described her symptoms and I suggested that she go see a doctor.  She told me that she had already scheduled an appointment and the doctor was going scrape some cells and send them out for testing.  I said OK and then I went to bed.  I woke up in the middle of the night and I realized that my mother just told me that she was taking a biopsy.  Could my mother have cancer?  No, that couldn't happen.  I have been through a lot this year; I could not now face the idea that my mother may have Uterine Cancer. That would just be too much.  Then, I thought, this isn't about me, or what I could bear.  This was about my mother.  But, still, all I could think about was me.  That morning, I got up and I started thinking about what my resignation letter was going to look like, when I emailed it.  My logical side kicked in and it told me that my mother was not well and whether she had cancer or not, something was wrong and she didn't need to be by herself.  However, for the rest of the day, all I could think about was what I would do if she had cancer.  I never completely recovered from my bout with cancer.  The chemotherapy drugs had long term affects that I am still trying to recover from.  I have trouble taking care of myself, how I will take care of my mother?  My finances are in a complete shambles and I am in a different state at a dead end job.  What if I lose my mother?  What am I going to do?  I can’t lose my mother too.  I think that would be too much to bear.  Even though they say that God doesn't give us any more than we can handle.  I was terrified.  Must I be that strong?  Could I be strong for her and for me if I had to?  I don’t think that I could. 

My Grandmother - Sweetiepie

A few days before my grandmother passed, my mother got an eerie feeling while she was driving, and she said out loud, “God, you aren't about to take my mother away from me, are you?”  And immediately after she said that she ran into our garage door.  I actually thought about that when I went to get my mail that afternoon.  Am I going to get into an accident, while driving to the Post Office?  Am I going to find out my mother is ill or worse?  I sat in my car and cried.  I was scared to start the car.  I cried for three reasons, the first was being scared that I might lose my mother.  I cried because I was confused.  The third reason was for being more like my mother than I thought I was, she hadn't even taken the test or been diagnosed with cancer, and I was almost petrified.  The tests were not even going to occur until the middle of December.  If I was crying on the 2^nd, how was I going to make it to the 20^th?  My mother has been always able to turn worrying to an art form.  In the end, am I turning into my mother?

Home

After, I cried, I took a deep breath, all of my other personal issues fell to wayside.  I went to my room and drafted my resignation which I sent it the following evening.  My company was not happy with me, even though I told them why I was resigning.  In fact, they were not speaking to me.  My reaction had been, that’s too bad, screw them.  I decided that the most important thing that I could do was to be with my mother, no matter what the outcome was, after all, that was what families were for and my mother needed me.  And, I needed her.  I decided that I had to go home.

#worry

#cancer
#cancersucks

Well, apparently, there is plenty to say...

I have never been so let down by people and the media when it comes to the way they have covered the shooting of these police officers.  I thought that I had nothing to say, but I was wrong.  The amount of agenda seeking idiots paraded around on television has been depressing and mind boggling at the same time.  The man who shot the police officers had a long criminal record and a problem with mental illness, yet politicians and media people are asking if the protesting brought on this attack.  Some are trying to state that the protests are encouraging “open season” on police officers.  The man shot his girlfriend first and she was not a police officer.  The man was crazy, and the sad part is that very few are asking how did he get a gun and that should be the real question.  Everyone does not hate all police officers.  Protesters do not hate all police officers.  However, we all hate people who are abusive or commit murders and hide behind a shield.  That is the behavior that puts people in danger.  And, if we are truly honest with ourselves (police included), it was the actions of those officers, not the protesters that contributed to this tragedy. The protesters were not outside because they have nothing else to do, they are outside because they witnessed behavior that was unjust, one too many times, and protesting is a form of drawing attention to an issue to ignite change.  They are trying to ignite change not violence toward police officers.

I am attacking the media, because I listened to a reporter on CNN argue, how the shooter could be crazy, he planned the execution.  Crazy people are capable of logic and figuring out plans.  I am not doctor, but I am sure of this, and so is everyone else.  And, anything can trigger a violent episode.  We just observed an anniversary of a young man who had mental illness execute his mother and then small children at a school.  Who knows what triggered that violent episode.  I worked with a technician years ago who suffered from mental illness, I never knew it because he was quiet.  In fact, except for Human Resources, no one else knew he had problems either.  He came in and did his work and resolved issues on a daily basis, until one Monday he did not come into work.  He had a therapy session with his Doctor on a Saturday and apparently he brought his father’s gun in with him, the Doctor tried to take it away from him, he shot the Doctor and then himself. 

I am also attacking the media, because they keep hyping up this whole Protesters vs. Police issue.  This is not the real issue.  The false issue that the media is providing is inaccurate, irresponsible, unfair and blatantly dangerous.

#cnn

#yellowjournalism

#dontbelievethehype

What can I say?

Two officers were shot execution style while working.  This is the United States of America; no one should be shot execution style.  We have courts, we have due process, and we have civil disobedience.  We have all of these options to share our opinions and change the world.  Yet, there is always someone, who is either crazy or just and asshole who brings it down to the level of a gun or physical violence.  This division in the country is wrong, it is cruel, and it is heartbreaking.  What I have noticed is that each side seems to dehumanize each other.  We are all human beings, we are all someone’s children, parents, friends, loved ones, whether we wear a shield or not.  All I can really say is “What the hell??!!” 

People need to realize that the problem that we have is not an “Us vs. Them” issue.  This is an “Us vs. Ignorance and Violence” issue.  As a law abiding citizen, I don’t want to be afraid of the police.  I don’t want boys and men of color to be afraid of the police.  And, I don’t want the police to be afraid of us.  A police officer’s job is already dangerous by definition.  Every day a police officer leaves home, they are risking their life.  And having a career that has that type of danger is enough.  If we ever want to get pass this devastating mess, then we have to accept and address the real issues.

#ignorance

#peace

#violence

#USA

Integrity

Integrity is defined as ‘the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. "he is known to be a man of integrity."

I have always had a problem with the way this word has always been treated, for some reason, even though English doesn't have masculine and feminine nouns, this word has always been attached to masculinity.  Even the example states, “he is known to be a man of integrity.”  Women, have Integrity as well, should be the usual response, but it isn't.  Sometimes I think that when women are referred to as the “weaker sex”, people don’t only mean physically and emotionally, but morally as well.  This has bothered me for a long, long time. 

For example, when I was in my 20’s I moved back home to Detroit to finish school at Wayne State University, I was dating a guy who lived in Detroit and who would visit me at Michigan State on the weekends.  Our relationship was going along great until I moved back home to Detroit.  After I moved home, he stood me up for a date.  That had never happened before, and now it was happening while I was living at home, where my family could see it.  I couldn't understand why this was happening.  Later on, he explained to me that he thought I had decided to move back home so that I could force him to marry me.  After all, he made $30,000 and he had his own house.  First, I didn't know that I could be bought for so little.  Of course, our relationship ended after that.  However, his logic didn't make any sense, we weren't at the "let’s get married" stage of the relationship, so marriage was the furthest thing away from my mind.  But over the years, I often heard from men and women, “well you know you women will do that.”  My grandmother was the only person who responded to the situation appropriately, she busted out laughing. (In fact, she laughed at the situation long and hard.)  Sometimes, it seems as if, women cannot be individuals that have integrity.  For some reason, society takes the attitude that feminine principles can’t stand upright, they must bend or break at any time for the right man and the right amount of money.  Well, that attitude is a crock of shit. 

Integrity popped into my head again with the recent accusations of Bill Cosby drugging and/or raping all of these women.  All of these women have been verbally attacked, even though some of these women have been claiming that Bill Cosby had sexually assaulted them for almost 20 years.  And, one of the most common accusations is that every last woman wants money, even though most of the women are not suing.  Right now, the only people that are making money are Bill Cosby’s lawyers who have been responding to all of these allegations as well as digging up as much dirt on these women as they can find and the media.  One of the accusers asked, "Who would want these 15 minutes of shame?", and she is right, who would.  The problem remains, that until now, Bill Cosby has had a great reputation and he was on his way to developing a great legacy.  And, that legacy would have been very valuable, especially to the African American community.  As an African American, the thought that he could have done this to all these women is hurtful and disappointing.  But,  as a woman, I would be wrong to automatically attack and question every woman’s statement and assume that each woman is out for Bill Cosby’s money. 

The other argument used is "Why would Cosby rape a woman, when he could have any woman he wanted?"  First, rape isn't about sex, it is about power.  But, let us say for a moment that it is about sex and entertain this question.  He could have any woman, really?  Could that be true?  So… any woman, no matter how rich, famous, married, straight, gay, single, young, middle-aged or old would say yes, if Bill Cosby asked them to "do the do", just because he is Bill Cosby.  I don’t think so.  Do some women leave their spouses or loved ones to sleep or be with celebrities?  Yes, but not all.  Women have integrity too.  Now, it may be true that Mr. Cosby would have a larger selection than most.  But, there is always someone, who will say "No!"  There is always someone who can’t be bought.

Now, let us step back into reality rape isn't about sex, it is about power.  And, someone who has sex repeatedly with people who are almost or completely unconscious has some really serious issues that should not be taken lightly.  And, I think that there needs to be some type of investigation.  I am not saying that every woman that claims she has been raped or sexually assaulted is truthful, people lie.  But I don’t think that the integrity of a woman who has stated that she has been raped or sexually assaulted should be immediately questioned either.    

#womenwithintegrity
#integrity
#BillCosby

15 Rules on How to Survive an Encounter with the Police

Based on recent events, here is what we have learned on how to handle encounters with 

the police.

How to Survive an Encounter with the Police

1.  Be Compliant.  Do not argue at all.  Do not challenge authority.

2.  Let the Police Officer(s) know, that you have no desire to die today.

3.  Show no signs of anger.  Do not attempt to escape.

4.  Be positive.

5.  Keep your dignity.

6.  When you are in public, always walk like you know where you are going.

7.  Avoid getting into political or ideological discussions.  For example, don’t make a 

     comment about the officer trying to make their quota.

8.  Be a good listener.  Follow instructions and ask if you are not sure about what you 

     are being told.

9.  Speak normally. DO NOT complain, avoid being belligerent and comply with all 

     orders and instructions.

10. If you are big, try to make yourself small by acting passive and not making any 

      sudden movements.

11. If caught in a situation or if the police believe that they have caught you in a 

      situation, DO NOT RUN. Drop to the floor and remain still. It that is not possible, 

      cross your arms, bow your head, and stand still.

12. Speak clearly, but try to keep your head down or look sideways.  Do not look directly 

      at the Police Officer(s), unless you are asked to, especially if you feel any anger.

13. Don’t show any sarcasm in your voice. 

14. When given the opportunity talk to them, humanize yourself; let them know if you 

      are parent, spouse or child.  Talk about your family, the school you attend or your 

      church.

15. Know your rights, but remain calm if they are violated.

#stayingalive
#Ican'tbreathe
#survive

It isn’t a Bandwagon anyone wants to be on….

Last night my former boss was on Facebook talking about what the GOP staffer had said about President Obama’s daughters.  He was saying that we need to complain and she needs to be fired.  I glanced; I thought that it was inappropriate.  But, I didn't say anything, nor did I respond to the post.  Sometimes, you just get numb.  There is always something.  Well, this morning, I turned on CNN after I finished my 6 am meeting, they were discussing the incident, and they read what the staffer had said about the girls.  For a brief moment, I was angry, and I posted my feelings on Facebook.  Here is what I posted:

“The Communication Director from Tennessee should be fired for what she said about the President's daughters. The apology was half-assed. But, I don't believe much will happen because they are two black girls. “

If you glance at the statement, you would think that comes from Trayvon Martin, or the Mike Brown incident, or all the other incidents that have occurred recently, and you know, I wish the hell it did.  But, it didn't.  It comes from life.  It comes from your parents telling you that you have value, but others are not going to see it.  And even though you shouldn't have to prove anything, you have to prove them wrong.  It comes from…

• Being 9 and getting a “C: in Science on your report card, and when you mother asks the Science teacher to show her your grades in her grade book, she doesn't have any.  You got a “C” because you looked average.  So, your mother comes home and tells you that you are going to learn how to outline.  Because you are going to outline your 4^th grade Science book for extra credit, so you won’t look average. ( I still had fun, because Ronaldo Turner also started outlining his Science book, so we would compete to see who completed the most chapters each week.  I guess that he looked average too. )

• Being a sophomore in high school and being told that besides writing about African American stories, Black people can’t write, by your English teacher.

• Being a senior in high school and your Spanish teacher tells your mother that you are not college material in front of you.  And then, the teacher tries to console your mother by saying “There –There maybe the next generation in your family will go to college.”, not realizing that your mother was skipping her graduate Math class to meet with her about her daughter. 

• Returning to your dorm after spending a weekend at home and having all of your belongings set out in the hallway of your college dorm, because your roommates decide that when they divide the triples, you are the one who should leave.  And, they want to make sure that you get the message.

• Having your manager giving your summer home address and phone to a local drug dealer in college without your knowledge or permission, and then apologizing after he finds out that you are a MSU college student, just like him.  I guess every young black girl not in college wants to date a guy with money, no matter how he gets it.

• Having someone who you thought was your friend tells you during a misunderstanding, “I could have had some guys come over and beat you up, but I didn't.”  And knowing that if you weren't Black, the offer would not have been made, and you would have never heard that statement. 

My point is that it comes from a lot of unnecessary crap.  I don’t tell you how each story ends, because it isn't necessary.  We can just jump ahead and say that I am survivor, not a victim.  And, when I was too young to fight, my mother and grandmother were there to fight for me.  For every story I have there are many Black women who have there own.  And we experience the same crap today.  However, sometimes, when we see it start all over on the next generation, we just get pissed off.  We have to say something.  Those girls were just standing there; they were dressed fine for a 13 and 16 year old.  Now you can say that the Communication Director was exercising free speech.  Well, I am exercising mine, now that she has resigned.  Good riddance!!  Don’t let the doorknob hit you, where the good Lord split you.

#unnecessarycrap

#survivor

Thanksgiving…

There have been so many Soul Stirring events that have happened recently.  I think that we all need to take time to remember what we are Thankful for.

Here is what I am Thankful for...

I am Thankful that I am a Child of God

I am Thankful for my Mother

I am Thankful for all the Wisdom my Grandmother left me before she left this world

I am Thankful for my Family

I am Thankful for my Friends

I am Thankful for the Existence and the Belief of Hope and the Ability to have it even when I am surrounded by despair

I am Thankful for Strength and the Discernment of when to use it

I am Thankful for the ability to obtain Enlightenment and share it

Happy Thanksgiving

#Thanksgiving

#Thankful

#Family

Truth vs. Fantasy...Bill Cosby vs. Cliff Huxtable and Bill Cosby

As more and more women are coming out to say that they were either raped of sexually assaulted by Bill Cosby people are beginning to believe that there has to be some truth to all of these allegations.  Many people of my generation are disappointed because we thought of Bill Cosby as Cliff Huxtable.  But he was not Cliff, Cliff was just a character that he created based on his fatherhood related sketches.  Actually, the characters from Fat Albert were closer to the people that he knew growing up. Could you imagine any of those cartoon characters growing up and becoming someone like Cliff Huxtable?  I forgot, that I didn't mention the show, I Spy, because that show came out in the 60’s.  However, in that show Bill Cosby’s character was created by someone else.   But, the funny part is that the I Spy character was a Rhodes Scholar who attended Temple University, so he was closer to the Cliff Huxtable model.  There were also the movie characters that he created, and of course the Jell-o commercials.  So, what is my point about mentioning all of these characters, well it is just that, they were characters.  They were not real.  I think that Bill Cosby should be given credit for always trying to emulate strong positive intelligent African American characters, as an actor.  But, these characters were not him.  They are just characters, only friends and family know the actual man.  As an African American, I think that our fear, is that if these allegations are true, then the positive characters and image will be taken away or somehow diminished by the rest of society.  But the possibility of who Bill Cosby was and is, doesn't mean that strong intelligent African American role models don’t really exist in our society.  They do.  We just have to accept that he may not have really been one of them.  And that part was OK; there was no requirement that you have to be yourself as an actor. There never has been. Many entertainers have their public and private personas.  The real issue is that we have found a much darker and/or disturbing private persona for Bill Cosby.  And many people in our generation feel betrayed.  We thought that we knew him and we may not. 

Here is what I have noticed…


There are many critics that find it impossible for him to be a rapist because Bill Cosby has mentored or discovered many young women.  And, these women have gone on to have great careers.  Some of the more recent females have included Robin Givens, Stacy Dash and Erika Alexander and you know what, I don’t think that he did anything to these females.  He has also given advice to Oprah Winfrey, and no, I don’t think that he tried anything with her either.  There were many women over the years that Bill Cosby mentored, and I don’t think that he was ever anything more than a friend or fatherly figure to them, and because of that, I believe that it was easy for a struggling actress or model to meet Bill Cosby and believe that he would be their mentor, because he had a history of doing that for females that he thought were talented.  All of the women who claimed to have been raped by Bill Cosby have more than a similar story in common.  They have a similar type and they seem to have similar personalities.  So, then the question becomes, is it possible, that he labeled some actresses as truly talented and others as women that he could take advantage of and get away with it.  And I think that the answer may be yes.  Most of the women that I mentioned were too young for him to try anything.  However, Robin Givens was about the right age.  Could you imagine what would have happened if he had tried something with her?  That woman would have sung like a bird or been heavily compensated.  I hate to say it, but I think that Bill Cosby knew what type of prey to select. 

#BillCosby
#mentor
#predator

The Holiday Season

Another Holiday season is upon us and this year as the Frugal Diva, I am not prepared.  So, for me it is window bargain shopping.  But for you, it can be a great day to save.  As I have said before, I do not go and face the crowds on Black Friday, I hit the internet.  Yes, I will be window shopping on the internet.  So, here are my top 3 online bargain shopping sites:

Online

Overstock  www.overstock.com – I used to really love this site.  They advertise a lot more now.  The sad part is that when some sites become more popular, their prices go up, so I would take advantage of shopping here, but I would still pay attention to make sure that I am getting a good bargain.

No more rack  www.nomorerack.com  -  I love this site.  This site has everything, and you can get some great deals.  I have purchased some great quality items from this site.  

I Herb  www.iherb.com  -  If you are into health or you have friends who are health nuts this is the place to go and the prices are right.  They even have health supplements for pets.  Also, depending on how much you order, you can get free shipping.  If you want to make gift baskets or stocking stuffers for Christmas, and your friends or family are into health, this would be a great place to go. 

Now, I do venture out, after Black Friday.  And when I am in Frugal Diva mode, I am in gift basket and stocking stuffer mode.  Here are my top 3 for Bricks and Mortar. 

Bricks and Mortar

Tuesday Morning www.tuesdaymorning.com  - If I am making gift baskets, I usually go here instead of an arts and crafts store.  Why?  I can usually get a higher quality basket for a lower price.  Of course, this store has all types of items that make great stocking stuffers and it wont torture your budget.  

TJ Maxx  www.tjmaxx.tjx.com – This place has clothes, gadgets, snacks and accessories. What else could a girl want?  Don’t get lost in the shoe and purse aisles; you are shopping for others, not for yourself.  (OK, this is what I tell myself.)  You can also shop online with TJ Maxx.  But I think that you will find better deals if you pound the pavement. 

Ross www.rossstores.com – This is TJ Maxx’s competitor, and I have found great deals there as well. 

Stating the Obvious

Well, of course you see the Amazon advertisements on my sites.  Do I shop at www.amazon.com ?   Well, yes I do.  Do they have great savings?  Yes.  So, why aren’t they on my top 3 list?  Well, when I think of Amazon, I think of 3 things first: variety, delivery and books.  And then, I think about the fact that they have great bargains.  When I think of the other sites, I think of bargains first.  Also, Amazon is not a site that I visit only during the Holiday Season; it is a site that I visit all year long.

Happy Holidays!!! 

 

Happy Savings!!

Lessons Learned…

Gesu -  My Elementary School

I have constantly looked over my life and my current situation, to try to understand what I am supposed to learn being in this situation.  My conclusion is… being part of the Poor/Working Class is bullshit.  Please pardon my French.  But here are the lessons that I have learned so far…

Lesson #1

Poor/working class people have no room for error in their lives.  And, when your financial situation is close to poverty, everything is far from perfect.  I went to go boot shopping, yesterday, because I need new boots for winter.  I stopped at one store and thought, OK, I will get these, but then I stopped.  I realized that I might find something better elsewhere.  In my past, if I found a boot that I liked better, I would just buy them as well.  Now, I have to really look at is it what I need.  Also, I usually have more than one pair of boots for the season and that time is over for now.  As a Frugal Diva, I would just go to TJ Maxx or Burlington’s and get a couple of pairs.  I can’t afford that, as a Working Class Diva, I can afford one pair, that’s it.  There is no discretionary spending, not even for the Holiday season. 

Lesson #2

I have learned is that time really does move faster as you get older.  There are so many things that I always said that I would get to later, and too much time has passed.  I don’t know where it went, but it has gone and I have missed out on great friendships and opportunities. 

Lesson #3

There is no use kicking yourself about your past.  The past is meant for reminiscing and learning, not punishing yourself for time that you can’t get back. 

Lesson#4 

Some pills are just hard to swallow.  I have always believed that you treat people the way you want to be treated, not the way you think that they should be treated.  That belief comes with a price, because everyone is not going to believe what you believe.  The mission is to do your best, without any expectation.

Dear Loan Con Men… Don’t call me!!

Some companies use legitimate bank names to pull these scams.One of the sad things about being broke is that you are more vulnerable to Con Men than people with money.  I can’t tell you how many calls I have gotten, asking if I would I like a $5,000 or $10,000 loan.  Or, they call me and tell me that my loan is approved.  Ok, first, you have to apply for a loan, to get a loan.  Second, no company is going to loan you thousands of dollars without knowing how you are going to pay them back.  If they are offering you money, it is because they know that you have it.  The newest scam is they tell you that you are approved, and then the “loan officer” tells you that you need to go to CVS, Rite Aid or some other convenience store and get a Moneypak.  They call it a payment verification form, yeah right.  Really what they are asking you to do is to put a percentage, usually 5% to 10% of the initial loan amount on the card, to prove that you will be able to make the monthly installments.  What???!!!   The only thing that proves is that I can scrape up a couple hundred dollars that does not prove to anyone that I can make monthly payments on a loan.  However, people fall for this, partly out of desperation.  Then, the con man takes the money and you are now a few hundred dollars poorer than you were.  My favorite is GE Money Bank.  I like that one because I have done business with the real GE Money Bank and they aren't calling to offer anyone a loan that does not have money.  And, since my credit and economic status has changed, I don’t hear from them.  (Well, I do hear from the bill collectors.)  Also, GE Money Bank does not exist anymore, they have a new name, Synchrony Bank , and the only reason that I know that is Synchrony calls me because owe them money.

 So, I am really surprised when John Smith (with a heavy Indian accent) calls me and says that he is from GE Money Bank and that he wants to give me $10,000.  Especially when I know that they are already sweating me for the $2,000 that I owe.  Wow, I could borrow money from them and pay my past due balance off at the same time.   Um..., I don’t think so, I wish it were true, but… no.  But the craziness continues, first, you can hear all of the people in the background talking and reading the same lines.  And, except for having an “American Name” these people have no grasp of Western culture.  For example, they take pity on you if you are a single woman and ask you what happened.  Could you see single/divorced women in the United States applying at banks today applying for loans having the loan officers sigh or give a there-there when they read their marital status?  Or, maybe the loan officer would say, “Single, and over 35.  Oh, cheer up, things will get better.”  (She might not get a loan, but she may get a lawsuit and a bank.)

But wait, there is more, if you don’t do what these men tell you to do, then they get condescending or they start yelling at you.  “Do you want a loan or not?”  “I am trying to help you!”  Hey there is nothing like a little abuse and male chauvinism thrown in with a good scam.  

Sometimes instead of calling you, they send emails.  My favorite email starts with “Hey, are lenders not loaning you money?  Well, we will because I am a baddass.”  Yes, it really says baddass.  You know what I am going to go Wells Fargo or Capital One and ask for the Baddass lender.  If it is a brick and mortar bank, I want the “B” to be capitalized.

Legal or Crooked!  Put Your Name Here !

I am having are hard time financially and I know that others are suffering too, but don’t fall for these jokers.  At least let’s make them come up with better scams, con artists who know their mark, or hire American Con Artists.  Large companies and Major Con Artists both hire callers overseas.  Damn!!  Must everybody be so lazy and cheap???!!  

The Hardest Situation Yet

Getting back on my feet this time, has been the hardest, the loneliest and the scariest ever.  Last December, I lost my job, and it was the most traumatic ever.  I wasn't fired, my company MedPro Staffing, lost its contract with CSC.  So, all the MedPro employees were called on the same day and told that their contract was ending and that Friday was their last day.  The company called me first and told me not to tell anyone.  So, I sat in the office watching people one by one getting a call to say that they had lost their job 10 days before Christmas.  I was sad that I was losing an income, but the job had been difficult starting the first day.  I was hired to help make change; however, if change isn't really wanted, or accepted, it benefits no one.  And, it is torture to the person that you bring in to make change, have them review your situation and then do nothing, except fail.  Do I believe if they had made my changes we would still have a job, maybe, a few months later the State of Maryland suspended the contract and everyone lost their jobs.  And, I have to admit, I do believe that my changes could have helped save that contract. I think that the state would have looked at the contractors as trying to make an effort.  Anyway, when I lost my job, I filed unemployment, however, when the state of Maryland contacted MedPro, my company told the state that I was still employed.  When that happens in the state of Maryland, a red flag goes on your case and they do an investigation, because there could be fraudulent activity.  I immediately called ADP which was my company’s payroll and benefit handler, they were rude and unpleasant, and then I would call MedPro in Florida.  MedPro told me that it was their policy to keep their employees on the books in case another position came up, and then they wouldn't have to start the hiring process and paperwork again.  Also, I could keep my benefits.  I understood this, however, MedPro specializes in Nursing and Medical Staffing, and I was a Technical Writer working on a state Medicaid project.  So, I didn't fit their typical employee profile.  Their policy works for their typical employee, and it may have worked for me, if someone there was also looking for employment for me.  However, that was not the case.  Also, I found out that the insurance coverage was not even true.  I went the dentist to get my teeth cleaned, and I was not covered.  So, I had to cancel my appointment, I thought about complaining to them about it, because they had taken money out or my check for Dental Insurance, yet I was not covered.  Technically, they do still owe me that money, however, because they had it taken out of my payroll, but never enrolled.  But, now, I was worried about how I was going to keep a roof over my head.  So, I kept calling them as well as well as job hunting.  Meanwhile my money was going fast because I did not have any income, I had a small 401K through MedPro, which theoretically I should have been able to either remove or take a lone on, because I was still an employee, but I couldn’t get access to that little money either.  At the end of December, I called because MedPro still did not change my status, and the told me that my rep was on vacation and only she could authorize the change.  I spoke with everyone up to the president, and all I ever received was I am sorry, but that is our policy.  I also continued talking with the State of Maryland, and the Unemployment office representative asked me if I explained to MedPro what type of position they were putting me in by not releasing me as an employee.  Not only was I unable to draw, unemployment, I could not take advantage of the state’s employment assistance program.  Maryland has a few programs that will assist you in finding employment.  I was locked out of everything.  Also, I was locked out of some financial assistance programs because the requirements were that you had to be working with proof of income or receiving unemployment, I had neither.  It puts a whole different spin on talking to bill collectors.  They would ask me when did I think that I would get paid, or receive any benefits, and I had no answer. 

I didn't give up looking for a job, or calling MedPro and ADP.  No matter how rude they were to me, I talked to them on a regular basis.  When I finally got my rep from MedPro and told her that the company had not taken me off their books (nor found me employment), she demanded to know who I had talked to because I should have been off.  But, her “surprise and outrage” didn't matter.  I was behind in all of my bills, I was being evicted, my accounts were in the negative and what little money I had was being used for food, lights and gas.  I continued to look for a job every day.  I no longer had internet access so I went to Panera Bread and used their free Wi-Fi.  I would get a coffee and apply to jobs for as long as I could.  I kept thinking that things would have to turn around.  However, I just couldn't seem to make it work and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

After MedPro finally reported to ADP that I was no longer and employee, it took weeks for ADP to tell the state of Maryland that I was not an employee.  I know because I still called everyday.  After Maryland was informed I had to have another case review, and Maryland had a case backlog because not only were they handling unemployment, there were the cases of where people had run out of unemployment benefits and they were seeking assistance as well.  So, the state couldn't tell me when they were going to review my case.  I just needed to be ready when they sent me a time slot, because if I didn’t my case would go back in the pile.  This consisted of more months of waiting, with no idea of when I would receive my money.  

I received my money the same day that I lost my apartment.  The property management company wanted all of their money, and I didn't have that.  So, my money went to renting a storage unit and a U-haul truck.  It was in February, and it was extremely cold outside, and when I sat down that evening and ate, I bit on something and my back tooth split and started bleeding.  I wanted to start crying, because even though I knew this was happening to other people, I didn't see it coming and I wasn't prepared.  And, I couldn't stop what was happening.  It was like watching a train wreck.  Also, even people see this happening to others all of the times, if it happens to someone you know, many people wonder if that person is going to ask them for something.  I think that it also frightens others.  It is like you now have the failure plague, and it may be contagious. 

A friend let me stay at her house for a few weeks, until I could get myself together.  I continued job hunting and I started filing my taxes, because I was sure that I would get a refund because I had been unemployed last year longer than I had been employed.  Plus, while I was employed I had been trying to finish grad school, which is expensive, but also something that you can write off on your taxes.  My plan was to either start working, if I found a job, or move back home to Detroit and collect unemployment there until I found a job.  

I found a job, but it was in Albany.  I actually had the interview in my car.  I brought what things I could, and I have been trying to make a go of it in here.  It has not been easy and I have had a few financial setbacks, which is hard when you are already in trouble.  I have also lost contacts with some friends and family.  It has been a really trying time, and like I said, in some way it is like having the failure plague; people don’t want to be around you.  Mostly, because they think that you will ask them for something.  Now that I am in Albany, I am trying to start over by myself.  And, it has been difficult.  My brother thinks that I should get over what MedPro did, but it started a ball rolling that I couldn't stop.  And, I did try to stop it.  I tried everything that I could think of doing.  And I have prayed.  I don’t know what else to do.  The other issue is that as you falter people wonder if you are really trying to help yourself up or are you looking for pity.  Meanwhile bill collectors just ask you, to get a loan

from your friends and/or family (LOL).

Hey Baby, How you doing? What’s your name? Why aren’t you smiling? Come here and talk to me for a minute…

So, many people had comments on the woman walking in the streets of New York City for 10 hours being harassed by men  http://youtu.be/b1XGPvbWn0A .  I didn't watch it, and I didn't comment on it.  Not because it isn't anything new, or because it isn't wrong, I just didn't comment on it.  I thought that it was good that it was actually taped, because many people need to see what some women have to go through on a daily basis.  I did not live in New York City, but I did experience sexual harassment while walking and while working when I was a younger woman.  I didn't need to see something that I experienced.  I was uncomfortable with the fact that people attacked her, but I didn't say anything about that either, because these attacks and/or arguments are not new either.  There has always been an opposing side stating that really this is a compliment, or it is harmless, or the woman is dressing too provocatively, and etc... There have always been people who want to attack and deflect.  These arguments are more than just decades old, they are centuries old.  In fact, the idea of taping the harassment reminded me of an old Designing Women episode about construction workers. http://youtu.be/hxGRJElvEo0  

 However, this issue got under my skin when I read the article from the Daily Caller, “New York Times: Should Black And Hispanic Men Be Banned From Chatting Up White Feminist Women?”  http://news.yahoo.com/york-times-black-hispanic-men-banned-chatting-white-035140800.html So, now even this is a race issue, Wow!!  As a young African American woman, I got catcalled by men of all races.  Now, when I read this article, the New York Times discussion piece, “Do we need a law against catcalling?”  http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2014/10/31/do-we-need-a-law-against-catcalling , people are arguing that it is a race issue.  I am supposed to listen to this argument, and entertain in any credible way that this is a race, cultural and economic class issue and not a sex and power issue.   Wait, let me take one thing back, it is cultural thing, an American, Latino, Hispanic, European, Middle Eastern, African, and etc… cultural issue, but it has nothing to do with race.  It has always been a way to demean women.  The only reason the woman was harassed by more minorities in this video, was that more minorities were outside.  If she were in neighborhood where a lot of white men were working outside she would have experienced the same thing.  But, the saddest part about this is that many women know women know what I am saying is true because they have experienced it first had, but race has divided this country up so much recently, that they will ignore their past experiences, they will ignore fact and agree that this is a race issue or worse, just not say anything at all.  

Bill Maher was (Whi..) Right, but he was Wrong

Last night while watching Real Time with Bill Maher and Mr. Maher addressed the Berkeley Commencement speech issue on his show, he mentioned that he only stated facts and he also mentioned how even an Islamic man mentioned that he was not a bigot.  That was actually very “White” of him, not right.  Mr. Maher’s argument last night was that even though Islam is supposed to be a peaceful religion, people’s rights are denied in Islamic countries.  On the show he used examples of how choosing a Christian religion or being homosexual would not be accepted in the Muslim part of the world.  And, in a lot of Islamic countries, that is a fact.  Also, even though it was not last night, he has mentioned, we treat our women better.  By “we” he meant Western culture, not religion. 

And, it is true that if I decided to change from a Presbyterian (which I am) to a Muslim.  My family might not be thrilled, but I am not going to lose my life over it.  And, the same thing would happen if I became a Lesbian tomorrow.  But, that has not always been true here, and in some places in the United States, it still isn't true.  The Western culture does treat their women (Why do I feel like saying Women folks??) better.  But, it didn't just happen, a lot of women and men fought for that, and they still are fighting, because women are not treated equally here, just better.  And, the same goes for race, sexuality, religion and freedom of speech.  We have made more progress than the Islamic nations, and we are definitely further ahead than Jihadists, but that is because the Jihadists want to go back in time.  Jihadist have a time in Islamic culture that they have romanticized (even though it is through violence) where everything in the world was the way it “should be”.  It was a time where the Islamic culture was considered the most civilized, well respected, admired and feared.  And, the Western culture (a.k.a. the infidels) were the barbarians.  But, that time has passed. 

So, where is Bill Maher wrong? Well, it isn’t his fault; in fact many will disagree with what I say now.  See, in our country, we had Founding Fathers who had ideas of creating a free country and the they wrote a Declaration of Independence, which said that “all men have unalienable rights” and we state things like “all men are created equal”.  So it is normal for him to have those beliefs.  But, honestly, it has been: “all men will be created equal in 100+ years or so” or “look even though we haven’t quite met our own standards, we are ahead of those people over there.  Don’t we get points for that?”  And, the answer is no.  Look if it were a test, the US would get a 60 percent, because we are still fighting to become the standard that we created.  The Islamic nations would get a 40 and the Jihadists would get a 2% heading towards a -5% against our standard.  But when it comes to grading, we all failed.  Does it mean I would rather be there, absolutely not?  But, that would be the argument, it always has been offered, at least by bigots.  Right now, I am in a country that is closer to meeting the expectations that were set many years ago.  But, we as a people don’t like to hear that we are not sticking to the ideals that we set.  That was why our First Lady, Michelle Obama, got in trouble before she became the first lady.  When she said that she was finally proud of her country, it was twisted into she had never been proud, when all she was really doing was celebrating our country taking a leap forward.  Until we meet our own standards, we can’t judge nations and groups who in some ways really haven’t even started setting their own standards and expectations, much less follow them.